Battle of Epic Proportions

I was in an epic battle today.

Toe to Toe, man to man. Two would enter one would leave.

It all started at lunch. All the good fights start at lunch. Here I was minding my own business. Picking up my BBQ Pork sliders, corn on the cob, and sweet tea. Smiling politely at the parents serving lunch. waving to the other teachers, and it happened.

I was attacked by a killer door. It was huge seven maybe eight feet tall. Built like a brick house. All I wanted to do was pass by. Simple enough. But no. He was pissed. How dare I take my lunch out of the room and through him. But did he confront me, no. He waited until I was almost out, the sun shining through my tea, and he struck! It was  a low blow. Caught my ankle. Oh and he caught it good. Cut deep, blood flowing across the pale stone sidewalk. But he underestimated me. I am built Ford tough. So he drew first blood, But did it stop me. No. I made it out with everything in tact. I got the last laugh.

Door- Zero

Me- One

 

Lets go cut down a turkey

 

There is nothing like a day that celebrates food. Yeah Yeah you are supposed to give thanks and stuff. But its all about the food, and then shopping. I mean thats what the TV tells me and the TV never lies. Just look at Fox news. No opinions, just facts.

This year I am thinking go cut down a turkey just like christmas trees. There must be places I can go run after a turkey and chop it dead to put on my table. Ooh better stop at the bass pro first to get a new camo dress to hunt turkey in. The camo underwear I got there is just too cute.

I can see it now, the family gathered around: Everyone awkardly listing the things they are thankful for. The group decision on which way to pass food, the new boyfriend at family dinner nervously making chit chat. My daughter wearing the biggest poofiest dress out of her closet with as many bows as she can fit on her head. My dad hinting I need to change my discipline tactics. The dogs barking. The dogs peeing. The awkward blended family conversations.

Why would I want to miss a day as glorious as this? Because Christmas is way better. Ok so its exactly the same but with presents. PRESENTS!

 

Can you choose?

Its time I got serious.

And I have one question for you. Take your time before you answer. I don’t want you rushing into a quick response.

Are you team Edward or team Jacob?

I know, how could I ask such an intimate question? But I have to know. Our entire relationship hinges on this. If you are team Jacob we simply cannot become bff’s. I will not allow my family to be tainted in such a way.

Have you not read the books? Seen the movies? Twilight is everything that is right in the world. Should I get the burger? No, Bella is a vegetarian. Should I go to the school dance? No, Bella doesn’t dance? Should I date the school hunk? Duh Yes.

I find it so amusing to watch not only teens but grown women getting so involved in a made up story. It’s as though they think they live in the book and the characters are their friends. similar to men and their video games.

I cant blame them though. Just turn on the news: death, hate, crime, followed by more death, hate, and crime. Getting lost in the magical world of a book for a few short hours, to forget the tragedy of life is not a bad idea.

Peace, love, and hate

“When you judge someone, you don’t define them you define yourself” Dr. Wayne Dyer

This quote really stuck out at me today. Everywhere you turn people are judging others. From what they wear, how they speak, what they eat, what religion they believe, who they marry, how they raise their children, the list goes on and on.

It so much easer to just put someone into a stereotype and silently hate them then it is to get to know someone. You know genetically everyone is almost exactly the same, no matter what race, or gender?

I often fall into the idle gossip and snap judgements on people. Its hard not to. But why? Even as I tell myself stop get to know them. Sometimes its too late the judgement is made. Damn.

What would the world be like if we got to know people and based our actions out of love instead of hate?

Imagine the possibilities…..

 

 

dare to dream

 

It has become hot chocolate weather. But the best hot chocolate is the free kind your students bring you. Even better when you say this would be so good with peppermint. They jump up and go across campus to find you a peppermint to put in it.

It looks like a little life preserver. My mind wonders as I grade papers to swimming in a hot tub full of hot cocoa. With little peppermint floating around the marshmallow pillows. The snowflakes slowly falling around me and melting instantly into the chocolate swirls. Christmas music softly playing in the background.

Wait it is going to be 80 this weekend.

Oh to wish upon a dream

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yippee the potty!

Ok I have something to confess.

Advertisements are lame

It is not time to get real about what happens in the bathroom. I don’t care what the quilted northern commercials tell you. Or the dancing tampon ladies. Stop dancing no one believes you.

Unless you are a boy under 18 no one wants to hear you talking about the bathroom. I promise. Why do commercials feel like they need to make it into some happy, beautiful, glowing experience. Really? Most people get into the bathroom and go damn I need to clean this mess of a room up. Not yippee the potty!

Advertisers get real with us. Just talk about your product. Showing me big brown bears using your product out in the woods is not cute, not real, and makes me wonder if you even know what your product is used for.

But the worst part about it is the people that are fooled by these stories and they really  believe diet pills will make them into a Kardashian. smh.

Risque. Daring. Breaking the Rules.

I have a set of in- laws. Yep. Afraid so. I wish I had listened when people warned me. They kept saying when you get married you will get in laws. Oh but I didn’t want to believe it. I mean how could such a thing be true?

Did I mention I have mormon in laws. Yep. I am not kidding. Seriously. Don’t laugh. This is a serious situation.

They are very generous people. Even gave my one year old a white dress slip ( because mormans wear special slip underwear) Really the religion has special underwear. What would my daughter do without her mormon underwear?

I have already mentioned their thoughts on young children needing karate. Which was again priceless advice. But have I mentioned that now they think I need to be better with my finances. Do they know anything about my finances. No, but they just sense I need help. Yes I do math for a living and I need your help with my money.

I often wonder what they really think of me. I wear two piece bathing suits. Risque. I have tattoos that everyone can see. Even worse. But wait for it ….I drink tea and coffee in front of them. Going to hell. I am not sure why mormons can’t drink caffeine in coffee and tea but can drink mountain dew. I will have to save the question for jesus when I get to heaven.

Maybe I can just write him a letter

 

Dear Jesus,

Hi. How is it going? You  must be busy listening to prayers and forgiving people’s sins. I just have a few questions.

1. Do you really send bad weather to places because they have sinned too much?

2. Which demonination of christianity is the one and only correct one?

3. Can I drink caffeine? And if so which kinds?

4. Is dancing ok?

5. Are people really soulmates?

Say hi to Grandma for me!

Love,

Me

 

Old ladies gone wild

I don’t know about you, but I often do things differently than most people. From time to time it can make me feel as though I am disappointing people or am doing something wrong just for doing it different. Such as a coworker telling me I’m weird. Yeah still holding on to that one. I was always told as I got older I would fall in line and understand, but you see I’m older. I have a kid, a marriage, a mortgage. When am I supposed to “fall in line”? I see people who are unafraid to give mean people a piece of their mind, wear what they want, and have crazy hair. I keep telling myself one day when I am old and retired I will let go . I will drive a gangster car and wear glittery shoes and comfy pants every day. And tell rude teenagers a thing or too. Just wish I had the guts to do it now.

I feel like this pic really says it all.