My belated Thanksgiving post, because why the hell not?

While reading this, imagine it is thanksgiving 🙂

Every where I turn online people are writing about the things they are thankful for. Because they apparently are only thankful during thanksgiving. Yet, I struggle to understand this holiday. I struggle to understand how people can pretend to be thankful and then the majority of they year be filled with such negativity towards each other and such hatred.

So instead of writing a post about things I am thankful for, I am going to write about hypocritical things I do not understand

 

shit-just-got-real

1. People who are pro life, but only the lives they deem worthy. For some that is unborn, but not the innocent on death row. For others that is those who are in their religion, but not others. For some that is simply their life and no one else’s. How can you pick and chose whose life is worthy and whose is not. Do you really think you know that much about everyone’s life?

2. People who think the only people on government assistance don’t need it, and are living the high life, and then tell you, that you should try and get on food stamps because everyone else is. Because getting $4 a day for food from the government is really making you dependent on anything.

3. People who would rather spend tens of thousands of dollars a year on private school then a couple extra hundred a year in taxes to make the public schools better. You know because when you spend money on taxes its evil even when it is less than the alternative.

4. People who spend years and years complaining about their life, but do not want to do anything to make it better. Or have an excuse as to why they can’t do anything to make it better. (not talking about those cases where you truly cannot do anything of course)

5. People who think if you don’t hit your child they will grow up spoiled and useless. Yes, you are so right. We must teach our children the only way anyone learns anything is through violence. Because that is working so well for the world. P.S. 80% of american still spank their kids, so saying youth today are spoiled bc they were not spanked isn’t going to work for you. How about we all just do our best to raise our kids? Just a thought.

 

 

Alligator=Thanksgiving

 

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for everything you have in life. Spend amazing family time together. And of course eat alligator. Wait, what you don’t eat alligator stuffing with your turduckin? Are you not American? Oh wait I get it.

Where you live it is not 80 degrees and swamp covered. Thus you don’t have a large supply of alligators and it would be too expensive to put it in your dinner.

Oh hang on you dont have turduckin either? What do you even eat? I bet you didn’t even have fried pickles as a side. A Turduckin is a hen stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey and it is epic and awesome. You can order one online. Do it. You wont regret it.

I really do enjoy thanksgiving. Especially now that I have a little girl that likes to put on a show for the family. She sings and dances and chases the animals around the house. She runs around talking the whole time. I can usually understand about one in every four words. I usually just comment something such as of course baby, totally, and thats sounds great, uh huh. Thinking on it. What if she is telling me of her plans to take over the world with her ninja baby friends. Or how she is planning to be a horrible teenage girl and is already laughing at my future torment. Here I am smiling and nodding as if she were saying something cute and funny. Maybe all the babies are just laughing at us. I bet they have secret meetings and are plotting their take over as we speak.

Lets go cut down a turkey

 

There is nothing like a day that celebrates food. Yeah Yeah you are supposed to give thanks and stuff. But its all about the food, and then shopping. I mean thats what the TV tells me and the TV never lies. Just look at Fox news. No opinions, just facts.

This year I am thinking go cut down a turkey just like christmas trees. There must be places I can go run after a turkey and chop it dead to put on my table. Ooh better stop at the bass pro first to get a new camo dress to hunt turkey in. The camo underwear I got there is just too cute.

I can see it now, the family gathered around: Everyone awkardly listing the things they are thankful for. The group decision on which way to pass food, the new boyfriend at family dinner nervously making chit chat. My daughter wearing the biggest poofiest dress out of her closet with as many bows as she can fit on her head. My dad hinting I need to change my discipline tactics. The dogs barking. The dogs peeing. The awkward blended family conversations.

Why would I want to miss a day as glorious as this? Because Christmas is way better. Ok so its exactly the same but with presents. PRESENTS!