Don’t forget to go pee first

I do not usually do book reviews.

However, you must go out and read this book: Seriously. Right now. Just Do It. Like nike, but with books.

The blogess.  The funniest blog I have ever read. Has written a book.

I have never laughed so hard in my life at the written word. Not only that, but it is truly inspirational at the same time. After reading this book I not only have a better sense of humor, but I have a new appreciation for being true to yourself against all odds. If you read only one thing this summer let it be this book.

A few of my favorite bits:

“And that’s how I ended up shoulder deep in a cow’s vagina squishing out the semen baster as a bunch of teenage boys looked on”

“You aren’t supposed to tell me your vagina is like a honda accord WE WORK TOGETHER”

“and then I got stabbed in the face by a serial killer”

“you might as well call it Jesus is bringing you vampires cemetery”


If you do not go out and get this book I will be forced to come to your house and read it to you out loud. But go to the bathroom first. I don’t want you to pee your pants.

In other news, the world is ending.

Hello Bloggies!!! I have returned from the dark side. Also known as Texas, except texas isn’t dark at all. It is sunny and warm. So, I have really returned from the land of sunshine and heat.

I am quite sure you would love to here wonderful tales of adventure from out in texas hill country. Tales of horse back riding into the sunset, eating amazing tex-mex cuisine. However, I was in a terribly long, boring conference about statistics at UT. Quite ironic given the questionable state of UT published statistics lately.

But I digress from the real issues.

The end of times are here.

I have witnessed it. In Texas the crickets have taken over the cities in the tens of thousands. My hotel lobby was covered in them. The McDonald’s parking lot was covered in dead crickets. The local radio station was hosting a contest for the best infestation pics. “Please no submissions with less than five hundred crickets, y’all.”

“Hundreds of thousands of the bugs pile up around buildings,” “Customers cannot get inside or outside businesses because crickets are jumping all over them,” – The Bloomberg Press

There is only one explanation.

The end of times are here.

Ok, so not texas, but you get the idea.

Of course there are always bugs running wild in the South. So, I suppose it could just be a normal summer. In which case, false alarm. Go back to frolicking in the rain, and such.