I will point and laugh at you.

I have a bone to pick with the snotty college runners at the lake.

Oh so you are in your early 20’s and run, good for you. I am sure that makes you feel really special. I am here to break it to you, you are not special. In fact only your mommy and daddy think you are special, and maybe not even them.

When a car is driving on the road, yes, the road where cars have the right of way and you have nothing. You cannot just continue to run down the middle of the road. I know you think your shit doesn’t smell because you got into a state school. Please tell it to someone who cares.

Get out of the damn road.

I am quite certain you expect me to drive up onto someone’s lawn, or magically grow wings and fly my car over the lake, so you don’t have to move two feet over to the side of the road. But maybe, if you actually attended class instead of running in circles for fun, you would know that I cannot do that.

Please be warned next time, I will honk my horn, stick my head out the window, and yell that it is a life threatening emergency, and you will be held liable for not moving your ass.

And if that frightens you and your fall, I will laugh. And point. Take a picture and put it on facebook.


Damn college kids, just because you can dress like a slut, drink for days with no end in sight, and sleep with half the football team all before the weekend, does not make you magical. It makes you lame.

Even your friends think so, they just can’t tell you because they are too drunk to remember.

Start talking to strangers

Growing up everyone tells you not to talk to strangers. Sure, they were partially right. Don’t go up to a stranger and start talking about your social security numbers and then ask for a ride in their big white van. But, would it kill you to say good morning?

I went for a walk today. As I walked around the lake I said good morning and smiled at each person I passed. I got a 50% return on my good mornings. I know I can be intimidating, but I was not wearing my trench coat or driving a my big sketchy van, what were they afraid of?

Pause for the scenery


There were the old ladies chatting that gladly welcomed my good morning, the construction workers who lingered on their waves, and the surprised runners who almost laughed as they responded.

I like to imagine why people are not speaking to me.

If they are listening to their music, I imagine they are so wrapped up in Kevin Gates, or ICP that they don’t even see me. I mean who doesn’t get lost in the music.

I imagine the bikers are in too much pain from those bike shorts to even speak. I don’t think they come off once you get them on.

The skinny moms, pushing two kids in a $300 jogging stroller; have gone crazy. Who pushing 50 pounds for 4 + miles while they run? Crazy people do. You do not want to talk to the crazy ones. They will cut a bitch.

The random guy sitting in his car watching the people run past. DO NOT TALK TO HIM. He is creepy. Forget that he is probably just waiting on someone, and focus on the small chance he could be sent from the CIA to silence you. You know to much.




The call from the open road

The open road calls to my daughter. It quietly whispers to her soul as the breeze dances through her hair. She can sense a door opening in a ten-mile radius and heads straight for the road. Piles of leaves to jump in, who cares. Chalk to draw with, lame. The open road, magnificent. This is not the kind of call from a car on the open road. She detests cars. If you are a runner you know the call of which I speak.

Stepping out onto the open road a calm surrounds you. Time slows down. Sounds disappear into the distance. There is a calm that comes from wide open spaces.

of course that is until you start running.



*photo from jwblogisticsandtrucking.com

the gym lies

I went for run today for the first time in years. I have been going to the gym and foolishly thought hey I can go four miles on the eliptical I can totally run to the park and back. 2 miles. Face palm. Its 50 degrees this morning, perfect for a run. I stretch out in the driveway, tie my key to my shoes, and head for the open road. As I turn off my street my shins start to hurt, I can’t breathe, and this sinking feeling of vomitting sets in. I can still see the house what did I get myself into. I shrug it off. I can do this. I run all the time at the gym damnit. As I go farther down the street I am becoming convinced that I will indeed pass out and die right here in suburbia. Where no one will even notice since i have only met one neighbor in two years. Oh I see them but they are far to busy with their own lives. Of course If I were 8 months pregnant and still smoking I wouldnt want to talk to anyone either (yeah we all see you neighbor lady). But that is a whole different blog for another day.

What was I saying .. Oh yeah. The damn gym let me believe I was getting in shape. lies. Well I did make it to the park and back, but it was far tougher than I thought it would be. Now I feel like the gauntlet has been thrown by the road. Its taunting me. But I will not give up. I love nothing more than a good challenge.