Fa la la la la la la

It’s november. Which means I have begun celebrating christmas. Controversial I know. But I love love love christmas. So I celebrate for two months. You want to make something of it. Then we can take it outside. I worked with inner city youth in gangs. I can take you out. Bring it.

In celebration of christmas I am going to list my top five christmas stories.

5. The christmas bench: A friend of mine’s in college mother decided that year they did not need a tree so she put out a bench and said put the presents on the bench.

4. The edible tree: In 8th grade we went to my Aunt’s house and instead of decorating the tree with ornaments we made and decorated gingerbread and sugar cookies and hung them all over the tree.

3. My honey used to trick grandma into opening all the christmas presents in the middle of the night and then secretly wrap them up so no one would know.

2. One christmas my parents gave each of us 250 dollars in ones as out only present. They gave us 12 hours to spend the money. If we had any left we had to give it back. We celebrated christmas that early early so all the stores were open. I felt like I was on a game show. Except for the part when I had to explain to the lady at gap why i was giving her 200 dollars in ones.

1. My daughter’s first christmas:  It was awesome. Need I say more?

The dark side of Christmas

Crappy Presents. Which means one thing layaway is back. Awesome. Now I can spend money every week on shit I don’t need from Walmart. Maybe I shouldn’t do presents this year. After all Christmas is not about the presents. Its about the music duh. Which is why I have convinced a group of people to go caroling with me. No I have never actually seen real carolers nor have I ever been caroling. But if I can’t have snow  then damn it I will have music. But what is music without hot chocolate and christmas cookies or and a tree. Can’t have a tree without presents. And now I’m back at walmart buying stupid shit no one needs. crap. If only we could find a way to defeat the walmart. Then we would all be free from crappy presents.

Which brings me to south park. A walmart goes into town. The people become crazed shopping at all hours buying things they don’t need because they were such a good price. The kids try and fight the walmart by killing its heart. Every where they turn people tell them it can’t be done. They get to the heart only to find that it is a mirror. The heart of walmart is its shoppers.

So if I can blame the success of walmart on its shoppers. Who can I blame for what the shoppers wear or rather don’t wear while at the store?