Tactless friends make the best friends

There have been so many high points to Hurricane Isaac, where do I start? The best moment may have been when Romney came and asked our governor where all the water came from? The sky, the rivers, or the ocean. Really people? Or maybe it was when Jindal got upset that Obama wasn’t giving the state enough government assistance? Yes, the man who thinks the government should never give assistance said that. No, none of those quite make my top number one spot. It had to have been a conversation with my good friend F over text.

The following is a friend  of mine F recalling over text a conversation we had  3 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. It took place at a king cake party. [For those of you not from Louisiana, that is when you get a king cake from each of the bakeries claiming to make the best and everyone eats them all. Pretty wicked party] Names have not been included to protect the awesomeness of my friend’s  private lives. They are wild people.

Scene: Nevercontrary (NC) is sipping a non alcoholic beverage in the dining room F notices the panel of stretchy fabric atop NC’s jeans. NC starts talking about “the baby” to someone (probably H or T).

F is confused and turned to M and says ” Is NC pregnant?”

M: Yes

F: Did she start dating  boys?

M: No

F: Where did the baby come from?

M: I don’t know (sarcastically) why don’t you ask her.

F: Hey NC, are you pregnant?

NC: Yeah, Laura didn’t tell you?

M: NO F! DON’T

F: Did you start dating boys?

NC: (clearly annoyed) No.

L: F! M says you need to come in the kitchen right now!!!!

F: So where did the baby come from?

NC: FROM GOD!!! ( gives intense bitch face)

F: Well Duh!

End Scene.

Obviously the best thing to do during a hurricane is to remember hilarious times with friends.

*Side note, it turned out to be a hurricane and not a zombie attack. Yes, I was disappointed too*

How to get the most out of your Spring Break!

It is that time of year again. Spring Break. America’s youth is so excited about the religious holidays that they run out to the beach and get wild!

For my followers, who are thinking, Damn didn’t she just have a week off for Mardi Gras? Why yes I did. This time I get  10 days. In case you needed another reason to wish you were a baller like me.

Spring Break can be a wonderful time in a young persons life. In order to ensure you and your friends make the best of your holiday I have compiled a list of must do’s for your week.

1. In the word’s of my dad – “Be good. And if you can’t be good, be safe”

2. If you hear a song about red solo cups come on and people start to cheer. Run away. And never look back.

3. If you get pulled over by the beach cops and they want you to be on their show. They are only asking you because you are drunk and stupid, not because you are cool and good looking.

4.When you pull that slutty dress out of your closet and think about putting it on for Easter sunday. Don’t.

5. Don’t forget to be awesome.

P.S. Check out the wonderful blog TheWaiting! She just got Freshly Pressed this week!!!

Wasn’t it supposed to be Halloween today?

If you lived in my neighborhood you wouldn’t even know it was halloween. Only a few houses have their lights on. The few kids that came around were not dressed up in costumes, or considered a hat a costume.

<Insert rant here>

No one cares about halloween anymore. Everywhere you turn people are having fall festival “christian alternatives” to the evil trick or treating. Christmas decorations have been up at target for days. The only ones getting into halloween are college kids because they want to get slutty and drunk.

What happened to kids halloween parties? Bobbing for apples, popcorn balls, hot apple cider, carving pumpkins, and swarms of kids running about the neighborhood?

Damn it Susan, go away ! (Susan is my alter ego that is a 1950s house wife) Just trying to make me feel crappy because I can’t throw a halloween party. Well you know what Susan I don’t care and I won’t care next year either.

Or maybe I will just get my sister to throw a party for our kids she is good at that kind of stuff.