Let’s be friends! Wait… never mind

Why I will never be popular.

1. I am too sarcastic. Sure certain men enjoy a sarcastic woman. The same kind of man that gets turned on by a girl being mean as hell to them. You know who you are. But everyone else, they find it funny if they understand it. Don’t under any circumstances be sarcastic with someone who is stupid. They get super angry and bitter.

2. I am confrontational. If someone hurts my feelings, or says something that is simply hateful I just can’t not say anything. Yes I am that person that says what everyone is thinking but won’t say it. Especially in those awful work meetings. Yes I have made presenters cry. She had it coming.

3. I am too blunt. This goes hand in hand with number two. I simply do not understand why people are not simply honest all of the time. What is the point of lying, and making things up? I will never understand why someone would ever lie about anything ever.

4. I am an introvert. Now introverts are largely misunderstood group of people. It does not mean I do not enjoy the company of others, it simply means social occasions drain me emotionally and physically. I can only handle so much before I hit empty and need to recharge.

5. My awesomeness. I am so awesome it is threatening to many people. My awesomeness fills up a room. How do I know I am that awesome? Ask around. Everyone says so.

Dear Google,

Dear Google,

I am greatly disapointed in you. Years ago I had a gmail account. It was hacked into and started send spam email. So I closed it down. If you are the super power that controls all that is on the internet then shouldn’t you be able to stop that from happening? Obviously you are weaker than you say you are. I thought maybe just maybe I should give your “gmail” another chance. I being the busy mom that I am forget my password. What do you do? Tell me you will investigate whether or not you will give me a new password in 3 to 6 days. Seriously? Seriously? Oh no you didn’t.

Well let me tell you what is going to happen. You do your investigation to decide if I am in fact myself. While I come up with a computer program that has a system for people who forget their passwords. Because we are not all super powerful password remembering machines. Maybe google if you spent less time tracking everything I have ever searched on the internet you would have come up with a better plan for forgotten passwords.

P.S. Google plus sucks

Sincerely,

A former gmail account holder.

 

What is your holiday missing?

Festivus. It is what is missing from my holiday season. (yes I did say holiday. I want to include everyone of every belief this time of year because you are all special in your own way. Can’t handle it. Then Bring it.)

As described in the very realiable Wikipedia (it’s where facts are born) :

Festivus is a secular holiday celebrated on December 23 as a way to celebrate the holiday season without participating in its pressures and commercialism.[1] It was created by writer Dan O’Keefe and introduced into popular culture by his son Daniel, a screenwriter for the TV show Seinfeld,[1][2] as part of a comical storyline on the show. The holiday’s celebration, as shown on Seinfeld, includes an unadorned aluminum “Festivus pole”, practices such as the “Airing of Grievances” and “Feats of Strength“, and the labeling of easily explainable events as “Festivus miracles”. Celebrants of the holiday sometimes refer to it as “a Festivus for the rest of us”, a saying taken from the O’Keefe family traditions and popularized in the Seinfeld episode to describe Festivus’ non-commercial aspect.

Why do we all need a little Festivus in our lives?

1. Airing of grievances. What I wouldn’t give to really sit down with friends and family and actually say what is on my mind. You know you want to. Double plus its a years worth of therapy all wrapped up in one day. “Oh but I don’t have any grievances, my life is perfect.” Oh I’m sorry I just threw up a little, what did you say?

2. Feats of Strength. Wrestling after dinner with the head of the house. Come on, how could it get any better than that? I can see it now, my first festivus, just waiting on who would try and beat me in a battle of strength, watching and looking for a good challenge throughout dinner. Everyone circles around and then utter domination! Wham! I win! Five seconds flat. Hey Hey a girl can dream.

3. The Festivus pole- Why have a tree that will cover your house with little needles when you can have a shiny pole. There are so many fun things to be done with a pole. Need I say more.

4. Dinner- Food, no explanation necessary.

5. No presents- This way no pressure to buy presents for people you never want to buy gifts for anyway. Yes grandma I mean you.

 *Images from www.festivus.biz and google images*

Can you choose?

Its time I got serious.

And I have one question for you. Take your time before you answer. I don’t want you rushing into a quick response.

Are you team Edward or team Jacob?

I know, how could I ask such an intimate question? But I have to know. Our entire relationship hinges on this. If you are team Jacob we simply cannot become bff’s. I will not allow my family to be tainted in such a way.

Have you not read the books? Seen the movies? Twilight is everything that is right in the world. Should I get the burger? No, Bella is a vegetarian. Should I go to the school dance? No, Bella doesn’t dance? Should I date the school hunk? Duh Yes.

I find it so amusing to watch not only teens but grown women getting so involved in a made up story. It’s as though they think they live in the book and the characters are their friends. similar to men and their video games.

I cant blame them though. Just turn on the news: death, hate, crime, followed by more death, hate, and crime. Getting lost in the magical world of a book for a few short hours, to forget the tragedy of life is not a bad idea.