I should not be left to my own devices

Reasons why my wife should not go out of town ever again:

image from metrics.net

1. She hides all of the kids favorite toys, so when you promise the kid they can play with them they are no where to be found.

2. She has also hidden everything else you could ever need. Such as crayons, pots and pans, lids to cups, underwear, and essentially everything.

3. There is no one to take turns with when it come to needing a five minute break from the kid. We are coming over papa watch out.

4. There is no one to rub your feet at night

5. There is no one to clean up the clothes you leave all over the floor

6. There is no one to make you your before bed snack.

7. You will have to make your own breakfast.

8. You will be stuck alone at night with no one to kick out of bed for taking up too much space.

9. If the car runs out of gas, you will be forced to go to one of those places they sell gas and fill it up. The horror.

Wifey you are not allowed to go away again.

My sister’s poetry

A poem written by my sister for her husband right before they got married:

The many acts of our two lives

Intertwined to a sensational simplification:

-All shall be well-

This is the comedy in our head at least,

While together we stride on

Trying not to be a damned soul, or a damned fool.

A duel to the death! An optimist’s revolt!

Ah yes, we have mastered the incalculable pleasure of perpetual crisis

And our harmony is too absurd not the be enjoyed;

This is love.

So we rise

To the contemplation of truth and flamboyant revelations

Giving treats to children along the way.

-Let nothing upset you, let nothing startle you, all things pass-

And if we went wrong?

“Fuck it, I guess we lost.”