Making a gaybie the 3rd trimester

I have officially entered the pee every hour 24 hours a day point in my pregnancy. Exciting I know. I think I may start peeing on myself any day. Maybe I should buy some depends. Am I too young for depends? Nah. I am sure they come in sexy colors. Everything comes in sexy colors these days.

I meet with my doula pretty often at this point in the pregnancy.  I am very nervous about going natural, but I feel very good about the decision at the same time. Not sure if I will post my birth story here or not. I don’t really care for reading peoples birth stories unless it is someone I personally know, so I figure none of you want to read mine.

My hormones are raging at this point. My poor wife has to deal with the most of it, and then every time my dad talks to me I start crying, so he has started freaking out.

The best and worse part of the third trimester is the belly. The belly is finally big enough that you look pregnant to everyone, yet at the same time the belly is getting very uncomfortable. What I learned was with each pregnancy you get more and more uncomfortable throughout the whole process. Of course no one told me this before hand. Can’t break the motherhood rules.

The realness of the pregnancy truly sinks in as time runs at light speed toward your due date yet at the same time moves slower than humanly possibly. For me this causes severe nesting. I woke up one morning panic stricken that we needed to have everything ready right then for the baby. Of course it took us weeks to get everything ready, so I was a mess for weeks. Or maybe I was just getting super hormonal. Of course smack dab in the middle of the third trimester christmas fell and was beyond dramatic, but that story is for another day. What would one of my pregnancies be without a epic dramatic christmas?

Each time I looked down at my little belly I would wonder, is this the last time I’m going to be pregnant?

39 weeks and hitting up the mardi gras parades :)

39 weeks and hitting up the mardi gras parades 🙂

 

For your pleasure the funniest moment of this pregnancy:

Scene: Me 8 months pregnant and in line at walmart in front of two college girls.

Girls: (while looking at the tabloids) Wow look how beautiful Kesha is. Oh look at Kourtney Kardashian’s pregnant belly. I could never be pregnant. I mean look how big your bely gets. You just look down and there it is.

Me: You’re right it’s awful

Girls: (embarassed) OH we didn’t mean you, we meant the magazines

Me: (laughs at their embarassment and stupidity)

 

My beautiful bouncing girl made her debut on her due date after 12 hours of all natural labor 🙂

We are now a family of four Oh My!

p.s. I never peed on myself. Yay!

Making A Gaybie- The First Trimester

Well bloggers I have been keeping a fairly large secret from you. The past nine months I have been pregnant. Perhaps you had a few inklings when my blog started to smell like puke, or maybe it was the hormonal rants that tipped you off, but I have been indeed incubating a little girl.

Ok so this isn't the 1st trimester- it's 36 weeks, but who wants to see a flat tummy

Ok so this isn’t the 1st trimester- it’s 36 weeks, but who wants to see a flat tummy

I have prepared a few blog posts along the way for your enjoyment. It will be like you were right there the whole way through I promise.

When people find out you are pregnant, they want you to tell them how blessed you feel and how it is the most wonderful experience of your life. No one wants you to tell them what is really going on. It is almost as if we are a part of a secret motherhood society sworn to secrecy.

First rule of motherhood, no one talks about the bad parts.

Second rule of motherhood, shun all the moms that talk about the bad parts.

Third rule of motherhood, tell all the other mothers they are doing it wrong.

I think that those moms out there that say pregnancy is easy, are straight up lying. Thats right I said it. Liar Liar pants on fire. You may love all the weird things about pregnancy, but growing a human from scratch is not easy.

Let’s start at the beginning. For me pregnancy starts with puking. Everyday all day. For about ten weeks. When I say puke I don’t mean the pink nasty liquid one usually pukes up. I mean in the middle of dinner running to the kitchen sink because the bathroom is too far and puking the pasta right back up whole. Then, walking back to the table and finishing dinner. See, I told you no one wants to hear that. It’s too disgusting. But, lets not forget the exhaustion that comes in the first trimester as well. I would take two naps a day folks. Yes, I was in grad school for 8 hours a day, but hey, I teach calculus no need to be awake for a class about math I already teach right?

When people find out a lesbian is pregnant they have  many reactions. Here a few of my favorites this time around.

“You are pregnant again? I didn’t think that was possible.”

~gee, I guess since I am a lesbian I can only get pregnant once.

“Do they both have the same father.”

~Do you have the same dad as your siblings? How can you be sure, did you get a DNA test?

“Oh shit.”

~That was my step mom, nice huh.

p.s. For the next couple weeks I will only be posting and not reading blogs. Just a little busy and sleep deprived. I do hope to catch up with all of you when I am out of baby jail 🙂