The time of year we all celebrate what is gross and evil, hooray!

Today is almost October 1st. So naturally, we began our month long halloween celebration. If you knew me in high school you would wonder how I had gone from not celebrating Halloween because it was a satanic pagan holiday to a month long celebration, but isn’t that everyone’s natural progression?

Halloween and October mark the beginning of fall. The stores begin to put out fall decorations, isles upon isles of candy to continue the decline of American youth into a hopeless cycle of depression and despair, and of course Christmas begins to go up in many stores as well. America is nothing if not a good corporation ready to sell you cheaply made goods at your weakest moments.

We began our celebration with cookies. I always bring cookies to the old ladies who live in the two houses next to me. Little did I know that bringing cookies today would make me privy to the war that is about to start between the three houses next to each other all because one of the old ladies needs a boyfriend that makes more money than the one she has. Yes it is an awesome story, but it deserves it’s own post, so I will continue on.

I can smell the cookie wonderfulness from here.

Next we went to the center of all that is Halloween, Party City. The aisles were covered in cob webs with “giant happy bad guys” hanging from the ceiling. Why did my daughter think they were happy, I guess I will never know. Creepy kid. We have been talking for weeks about this costume. She looked through the catalog each morning with her breakfast everyday.

Nothing like the morning paper to get your day started.

It was time to commit. The pressure was building. We went to the wall of pictures and found the number of our costume.  The store clerk, who seemed a little old to be working at party city, brought us our magical Alice in Wonderland dress. She squeeled in delight. Did we try it on right then and there. Absolutely. [the old store clerk said we could so there] What was the first thing she said, when she looked down at her dress? Where is the rabbit? A sign that she has watched Alice too many times, or a sign that she can memorize lines and will be a famous actress that buys me a giant mansion because she loves me so much. Only time will tell. I am hoping for the giant mansion. Blogging parties anyone? Bring your own red solo cups.

“It’s a pretty dress”

Wait, you mean there is more to this magical not yet Halloween day? Why, yes there is. A bath with glow sticks to be exact. I know your mind is being blown as we speak. Glow sticks are something I was deprived of as a child. But, not my kid. We shall glow every night if we want to.

“Mommy, it’s dark”

p.s. Our day ended with homemade chicken parmesan made by my wife, who swears when we met she had never cooked, and a raspberry pie, made by yours truly. It’s ok to be a little jealous. I would be. Except I can’t be jealous of myself.

Wasn’t it supposed to be Halloween today?

If you lived in my neighborhood you wouldn’t even know it was halloween. Only a few houses have their lights on. The few kids that came around were not dressed up in costumes, or considered a hat a costume.

<Insert rant here>

No one cares about halloween anymore. Everywhere you turn people are having fall festival “christian alternatives” to the evil trick or treating. Christmas decorations have been up at target for days. The only ones getting into halloween are college kids because they want to get slutty and drunk.

What happened to kids halloween parties? Bobbing for apples, popcorn balls, hot apple cider, carving pumpkins, and swarms of kids running about the neighborhood?

Damn it Susan, go away ! (Susan is my alter ego that is a 1950s house wife) Just trying to make me feel crappy because I can’t throw a halloween party. Well you know what Susan I don’t care and I won’t care next year either.

Or maybe I will just get my sister to throw a party for our kids she is good at that kind of stuff.