Making A Gaybie The Second Trimester

Sexy belly shadow

Sexy belly shadow

The second trimester is when you find out if you are having a boy or a girl. Many people are uncomfortable with lesbians having boys. You can tell this by when they say oh thank goodness you are having a girl since the baby won’t have a father. That would just ruin a boy not having a father. To which you throw glitter on them ( gays always keep emergency glitter) and walk away. Not really, usually I just grimace and make note to never speak to them again.

I was quite nervous waiting to find out if it was a boy or a girl. I have a sister and really wanted my daughter to experience life with a sister. But, at the same time would be remiss if I did not get the experience of having a son. But, luckily this was out of my hands.

And guess what folks, a beautiful bouncing girl. Now, do I believe the ultrasound. Of course not. Would I be my skeptical self, If I believed them that I was having a girl without a second ultrasound to back it up? So, I am going to paint the room yellow, just in case they were wrong and not open any  pink presents until the second ultrasound at the end of the pregnancy says girl too. A little overboard, maybe, but hey I’m pregnant. Isn’t that just the best excuse for all of your normal crazy. Oh sorry, I’m just pregnant and hormonal I can’t help it. Hahahaha I can help it, but why waste a good opportunity to say and do all the crazy things you think about regularly with no repercussions?

The second trimester is supposed to be the best time in the pregnancy. You should have more energy and stop feeling sick. I did stop puking and had more energy, but I still did not feel like a pregnant superhero or anything fabulous. Or maybe I was a pregnant superhero stopping crimes of injustice against pregnant women everywhere. You can’t prove I wasn’t. 😉

I don’t have any funny stories or silly songs for this middle part of my pregnancy. I spent all of my time writing a semesters worth of lesson plans, tests, answer keys and power points for my maternity sub. To later have my department give me nasty looks when I went on leave. Because obviously me having a baby was a huge inconvenience to them. Didn’t I know you were supposed to be rich like them and stay at home with your children and not burden the work force with your absence. Gee why didn’t I think of that. When I finished that I had to meet with my advisor to make edits on my thesis because why just have a baby when you can have a baby, and finish you last semester of grad school at the same time. Gotta make life challenging folks or what is there?

My advisor is hilarious. Here is a sample of some of our meetings

1- You want to see pictures of my cat this morning? Me- sure ( thinking is he serious?) He then proceeds to spend a half an hour showing me pictures of his cat on his phone and tells me the story of how she got her name.

2- We are at a dinner party, as I work with his wife so we see each other at a myriad of social functions. He sits down turns to his wife and goes we need to get cocoa puffs on the way home. I haven’t had them in like ten years. She gives him this look of thanks for being embarrassing.

3- When discussing the baby coming. You should bring your baby to school everyday. We are a family and you should be able to bring you kids to class with you. Me- I don’t think the others in the program will like that. Him- oh we will find a little room for you and the other moms. It will be so much fun!

 

p.s. Where are my mom jeans? I thought the government sent you mom jeans, a van, and made you get a hair cut as soon as you popped the second kid out? Maybe they will come next week?

 

Part one of this series:

making a gaybie the first trimester

 

 

No soup for you

It was the second to last day of grad school this summer.

I was told behind the union there was this new salad place.

And it is amazing.

Naturally, I’m in.

We walk around to this hidden entrance. It’s called on the go. My friends warn me that the guy on the end of the salad line is called the salad nazi, like the soup nazi from seinfield. Already I’m scared. There are no signs telling you anything about what prices are, how many toppings you get, what anything is. Nothing.

What is this stuff?

Thankfully my friend told me what size to get and how it all worked. By the time I got to the last guy he had stepped away. I nervously awaited his return where he stared at me, said nothing. I quietly said, no meat, balsamic vinaigrette dressing please.  His face remained stone cold. He set my salad on the bar and glared as though I was not moving fast enough.

What would have happened to me if I had to ask him what the dressing options were? I think he would have thrown my salad at me.

But it was a damn good salad.

You want me to go where?!!

I used to have a class on the first floor. My professor decided the room is too small, so he moved us to the fourth floor. The problem with that is that the building is a few buildings put together, so you cannnot simply go up the stairs to the fourth floor not all stairs lead to the fourth floor. Just like Hogwarts.

Here are the directions I was given:

Go in the entrance on the quad, then go up the first set of stairs to the second floor. Follow the hall until you see a coke machine. Then turn there and go up those stairs to the fourth floor.

Sounds simply ish.

No

I get to the building, walk up the first set of stairs two flights. All the while carrying an epic backpack as I have class for 8 hours a day. Then I walk down the hall. It never ends. I see a staircase and I am tempted to go up, but I have yet to see this magic coke machine, so I press on. The hallway turns left, then turns right, and turns again. Then I go through some doors. The hallway continues. More doors. And I see it the coke machine. And down the little coke hallway is a tiny set of stairs. Super sketchy. So I go up the stairs two more flights. I make it to the forth floor.

What is on the fourth floor of this crazy hogwarts building with staircases that  go nowhere? Physics department. I had stepped into the big bang department. No wonder it was impossible to find.

One would think that it was all safe. I had made it. One problem remained. I had to go to the restroom. The hallways spread out like fingers on a hand on the fourth floor. I picked one, no restroom. I picked another one, no restroom. Now I was lost.

Why? Magical building, Why?