Motherhood Times Two

Here I am folks three months in to having two children. An almost 3 year old and a 3 month old. People told me that having two kids would be a nightmare similar to the zombie apocalypse. I was scared, hell I was terrified. Turns out having two kids rocks! It is way better than having one.

 

Here are some of the wonderful moments I have had since having two kids:

  1. Every morning my oldest comes in and looks at the baby. She gets the biggest smile and exclaims, “She got bigger  mommy!”
  2. My oldest is dramatic. As in a bug looked at me, so I need ice, a band-aid, juice and I will cry for five minutes, dramatic. My youngest thinks this is hilarious, so every time my oldest freaks out, she laughs at her.
  3. At the Dr. office I was getting my oldest’s cough checked out. I had the youngest (4 wks at the time) in my boba carrier. (yep I am totally a baby wearer). My oldest decided now was a good time to freak out, so the baby of course decided to poop. So I made the rookie mistake of changing the baby in my lap. AND she peed all over me. Then we had to go downstairs for chest x rays. So I was covered in pee, with two screaming children in a waiting room. Yes, I made wife leave work to come rescue me.
  4. My youngest loves to cuddle!! Baby cuddles may just be the best cuddles available.
  5. Just knowing that in a few short months, I won’t just have one dancing daughter I will have two J Because what I need in life is more tutu wearing performances.
  6. My oldest is potty trained, but not perfect. She has the uncanny ability to wait until I am nursing the baby to have the worst poop accidents.
  7. Each morning when I drop the baby off in her room at school, my oldest picks out the swing/rocker she will go in. She walks all around looks at each of them carefully and picks. It is pretty adorable.
  8. But, the best part of having two kids so far is the day care bill. Just kidding, that shit sucks monkey balls. My mortgage is smaller than my day care bill.

 

On a side note my oldest has promised to be my best friend forever. So, I will totally be avoiding those teenage years where she hates me. Planning ahead.

Oh so you want an 8 month pregnant woman to slap you

People wait until you are very very pregnant to say stupid stupid things to you. At this point you are oozing hormones out of places you did not know hormones could come out of, and this is not the time to start something with me.

Coworker: My I see someone is eating for two

Me: (in reality) stunned into silence (in my head) yes well my belly goes away after the baby comes out, what is your excuse

Brother in law: blah blah blah… babies die all the time…. blah blah blah

Me: ( in real life) you don’t know what you are talking about  (in my head) Too upset to process this.

Friend: Oh you will have to stay at the hospital for 4-5 days, I laugh when I think you want to leave before then ( we got permission from our dr to leave in 24 hours bc there is no need to stay in a hospital if you are healthy)

Me: Thats funny I don’t know of a single person who stayed that long, maybe 30 years ago when you had kids that was the case, but not anymore. ( in my head) really you are going to school me. I could dance circles around your lack of education fool.

Too many people to count: So what day are you having the baby? (literally, they wanted an exact date the baby would come)

Me: When I go into labor. (they did not like this response) ( in my head) um, seriously no one knows the exact day the baby comes stop asking me that. How the hell am I supposed to know.