Top 5 things NOT to ask a lesbian about sex

WARNING SEXUAL CONTENT IN THIS BLOG TODAY-

I will admit that the older I get the less people ask me such crazy things. I think it is due to the fact that most of the people I spend time with are over 40. This generation does not have the same, hey lets talk about crazy sex with people we just met mentality.

I am not quite sure why people think that when you are gay, that means it is ok to ask them wildly inappropriate things.

But ask they do.

5. If you ever decide to stop being gay will you have sex with me? – First, the line to have sex with me is very long and you are not even in the first half. Second, I am a fully grown dyke. I am not confused. I know lesbians in movies get confused and have sex with men. Those are movies- as in made up stories. ( no santa is not real either)

4. Don’t you have to have a penis to have sex?- First, sex is different for everyone. Second, just because you need a penis to get off does not mean everyone does. Third, do you ask your straight friends what gets them off sexually?

3. So, do you find me attractive? First, if you are a girl, that does not mean I find you attractive. Most likely not. I have high standards. Thanks. Second, if you are a boy, sure I can appreciate a good looking man. But don’t get that mistaken for lust.

2. So, how do you have sex? How many straight people have you asked how they like to have sex ? Because they can have sex in just as many ways as I can. I am not your lesbian guide into the world of girl on girl action. Go rent season 3 of the original L Word.

1. So when you look in the mirror naked, are you attracted to yourself? Seriously. Did you just ask me that? No, I am a girl, I look in the mirror and see all of my flaws. It is fucked up for you to imply I would want to have sex with myself. Please walk away before I slap you.

Today I let anger win and that makes me sad.

Today was a dark day. I actually got into a heated confrontation with someone. Something that is becoming more of a rare occurrence for me.

It all started with me saying I felt unsafe when I drove through states like Texas. Which brought the you are being paranoid comment. And I lost it.

Am I being paranoid when, I have been pulled over and harassed by cops in Texas to the point of tears?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had doctors refuse to be my doctor?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had strangers come up to me and tell me I am going to hell?

Am I being paranoid when, I have people come up to me while I was pregnant and tell me my child would be be messed up because I was their parent?

Am I being paranoid when, I cannot send my child to half of the schools in the city I live in, simply because I am her mother?

Am I being paranoid when, I have been offered jobs and then they take it back?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had co workers who have never met me try to get me fired?

Am I being paranoid when, I turn on the news and people are calling for my death?

Am I being paranoid when, presidential candidates are saying children with father’s in prison are better off then in my home?

Am I being paranoid when, I am getting refused service in a restaurant and asked to leave?

Am I being paranoid when, many state’s GOP platform includes that my family is tearing at the fabric of society?

yes, a lot of people love the gays. But, do not for one second think that being a gay family in the south all rainbows.

To be thankful everyday

I thought in an anti-complaint effort, that I would write about all the wonderful things in my life.

1. My daughter-

She is the most amazing person I have ever met. So full of joy, stubbornness, and glitter. It is the perfect combination. Just getting to experience the world with her is more than I ever imagined my life would be.

a true southern woman

2. My wife-

Growing up I would here people say that they knew the moment they met someone they were in love. I could not understand this concept, until I met wifey. She is everything I was missing, that I did not even know could be filled.

image from keturahweathers.theworldrace.org

3. My family-

We have had our ups and downs, but hands down I love my family. They are kind and compassionate people. My sister might be my favorite. How can you not love someone who makes up dancing to harry potter and puts it on youtube?

4. My health-

I must confess I am pretty good health, as far as I know. Of course my dental hygienist thinks I need to floss more, and she would be right. But for today I am healthy.

5. My blog- of course

I have met so many wonderful people in the wordpress world who have shown me more kindness than I could have ever imagined. Just being able to write everyday and share it with you truly brings me peace.

 

My South

I have been posed the question “Why do you live in the South?” a lot lately. As someone who is gay, married, and raising a family; I can see how people would struggle to see why I would chose the south. It is often considered to be the opposite of who I am.

I have written a handful of posts specifically about living in Louisiana here  that will paint a picture of the south through my eyes.

The quiet silence of a small town

Trying to put into words what the south means to a southerner is difficult to do, so I will start at the beginning.

Being a southerner is like being a part of a secret club that everyone knows about. You have to prove yourself to get invited in, but once you are in you are in for life. Of course unless you do something crazy. In which case, you need to openly ask Jesus for forgiveness and we will let you back in.

The south is the people. Sure you could say it is something about those long hot summers and never ending glasses of sweet tea that do something to you, but down here it is about the people. The whole town may talk about what crazy things you did last saturday night and how they cannot believe you are dating so and so, but if you are sick the whole town shows up with a hot meal. The first words children are taught is please, thank you, and sorry. Yes Ma’am and No sir apply to everyone out of respect. It is not about your age.

And then there is the food. It isn’t simply food. It is bacon cooked in brown sugar, pecans, and cayenne pepper. Food is not something you do to get the best body or help you finish the race. It is a ritual, an event, and a time to catch up with family and friends.

As the suns sets on a warm summer evening with the breeze blowing past you full of memories of times past, and you sink into your porch swing, you can feel the soul of the south wrapping its arms around you whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

Listen carefully

Speechless

So as I was reading the news a while back about woman getting kicked off a plane for giving her girlfriend a kiss. The airline said that they did not tolerate anyone kissing or doing anything else sexual on their planes. I find that odd since I that is not what I have seen on planes.

Enter my story:

I was flying back from my honeymoon. I was not kissing or touching on anyone. The couple in front of me, however, was another story. They started out taking shots of tequila. They got up to ten. They then proceed to both get up and go into the same bathroom. And not the one in the back of the plane with everyone facing the other way. They went to the front so everyone could see. They came back and the guy put his coat over the girl. To cover her from view. They were too drunk to think about the fact that you could still see through the seats from behind them. He proceeds to have sex with her right there in the seats. No lie. We could see it all. Not a single airline staff member said anything to them. And they were sitting in a row of three. As in there was some poor random guy having to sit next to this. I didn’t think much could shock me anymore, but damn that tops it. I was traumatized for days.

Now I am sure I could have said something to them or to the staff, but I was in such a state of disbelief I could not utter a word.