Where did I leave my fart machine?

So, your workplace has become a war zone. People fighting, nasty words being slung across the room splattering nasty sludge everywhere. The air is thin. You can cut the tension with a knife.

What do you do now?

1. Hide a fart machine under your seat. Set if off right as people begin to bicker.

2. Show up in full camo. With water guns. Throw down a challenge.

3. Bring food. Lots and lots of food. People will get quiet really quickly if they are stuffing their faces.

4. Bring a guitar. Convince everyone to sit in a circle on the floor. Share feelings.

5. Hide. But not in your bosses office.

Stop, Drop and Roll

Often times in life you find yourself in awkward uncomfortable situations. One of my least favorite is the walking in on a couple fighting moment. For me this is an every day situation with my neighbors. It is a knock down drag out fight everyday. Then loud phone conversations about affairs. What to do in this situation?

1. Never leave your house again. Your house is warm and safe. And hey you can even get groceries delivered now.

2. Pretend to be on your phone as you walk to and from your car. This gives you the appearance of not hearing anything that is going on.

3. Send flowers with a love you note attached. And just sit and wait for the fireworks to ensure. That will be a good show. Don’t forget to have popcorn ready.

4. Sell your house, join the peace corps, and give up shaving. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

5. Hide behind the curtain and take notes on what not to do in a marriage. Someone might as well learn something from this situation. Then sell your ideas and go on Oprah.