Favorite Posts From This Year #10

What would a top ten countdown on my blog be without a post with aliens?

So, you need someone to blame

I am in the need of some serious detectives. Someone has been throwing dead fish in the drainage ditch next to my house.

Who could possibly be doing such a despicable thing? The smell in the thick swamp summer air is powerful enough to make you beg for mercy.

My first thought was the crazy man at the end of the street. He has security cameras all around his house, called the cops because someone dropped a piece of fruit on his driveway, kept them there for hours over it. Every year he lets his beard go crazy and goes up to the VA to show he has PTSD, so he can continue to get disability. Does he really? Guess we shall never know, but I am leaning towards yes.

But, if it were him, that would require him leaving his house, which he does not do.

Hmmm… It could be the crazy teenagers that live across the street. Four teenage girls. Their mother is never home. Come to think of it, no one is ever home. They must all have a separate life someplace else. Plus, they don’t seem like the type to touch dead fish.

Maybe it is the thug cats collecting a stash so they can have one raging party later this weekend? I really need to invest in some cat repellant for my yard. Or at least charging an entrance fee.

I think the only obvious solution is aliens.

It is truly the answer to all questions. Why is so hot this year? Aliens. Why is Michelle Bachmann so scary? Aliens. Where do all those missing socks go? Aliens.

image from doubtfulcompetency.blogspot.com

Favorite Posts From This Year #9

This time a blog about being judged for being a foodie. Maybe I need to stop worrying about how or why people are judging me.

Why aren’t you a food snob?

I have been judged for quite a many things in my life, but one I am growing tired of is being a food snob. Many people constantly tell me I am a picky eater. They are sadly mistaken. I am a genuine foodie.

It truly saddens me that many Americans have no appreciation for real or good food. When it comes to food they care about how cheap it is and how much they can  get? Just the thought of that makes my skin crawl. I know you all know these people. They are first to chime in that their favorite restaurant is Olive Garden. Dear God, help them in their time of need.

Food was meant to be cooked slowly, and eaten slowly, so that every bite can be savored and appreciated for it’s diverse flavors. When I met the wife she had never had real food. Ever. Still the food her mother puts out for a meal frightens me. We have begun simply bringing our own food. Yes, I know that is probably rude, but you have not seen the stuff that she “cooks.”

It has taken me two years, but I have successfully transformed the wife into a food snob. Ice cream from scratch, homemade biscuits, slowly smoked chicken, Beef Wellington for holidays!! I am getting goosebumps just imagining the deliciousness. Many friends ask how do I have the time. It does not take any more time to cook from scratch then it does from a frozen box. This is a lie Americans tell themselves, so they feel less guilty for feeding their family horrid food.

Beef Wellington in all it’s glory

If the food is not good, don’t eat it. It is as simple as that.

If the food is processed, or full of chemical compounds, don’t eat it. Run away you just saw a monster.

If the food is genetically modified, or heaven forbid uses genetically modified oil, burn it. Genetically modified food has scientifically been shown to make rats unable to produce children. Which is why it is banned in 50 countries. Not the good ol’ USA though. We only ban things that have no impact on us.

I wish I could spend my time teaching moms how to cook from scratch with their families. It is not only a fun way to pass the time, but a wonderful learning experience for everyone. Every sunday I would have classes where you brought the whole family and we could learn how to cook a simple from scratch meal that you could take home for sunday dinner.

Changing lives one meal at a time.

*image from www.happydaycatering.com

Favorite Posts From This Year #6

This was my most popular post all year. 10,000 views. People feel very strongly about pinterest. You can love it or hate it, but I am too deep to get out now.

Pinterest is killing you softly with its song

Be careful. Pinterest is filling you with unattainable dreams about how your life will never be. I know it is blasphemous to say such things about the god fearing pinterest, but it had to be said.

I have a number of problems with what pinterest is doing to you. And so should you.

Image from http://www.foodieregistry.com

1. People post dessert far too much. I mean come on. Who eats that much dessert. No one. Not even  the Duggars.

2. You will never have a house with rooms like you pin. Yes that million dollar kitchen you just posted does not exist not for you, not for me, only Blue Ivy. And that bathroom overlooking the jungles of Tahiti, you are more likely to sleep with Johnny Depp than have that house.

3. The I am not pregnant do not have any kids, but pin about my future unborn children. Maybe you are not superstitious, but don’t go selling the milk before you bought the cow. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to find out I couldn’t have kids and have 100 pins about babies.

4. My style. I don’t know how to say this, but that picture of the super cute outfit looks just like all the other outfits you posted with different colors. Wearing jeans, shoes, jewelry, and a shirt is not a “style,” it is just the same boring outfit every teenager out there wears. But if you were going for that teenage look then, success!

5. The whole legality issue. You have no legal right to republish peoples original work. What does pinterest say about that, well that you won’t pin anything unless you have expressed consent to pin it. So can someone come after you for repinning something of theirs, yep.

Will I keep pinning, absolutely. I am addicted. It is too late for me. Save yourself …. if you can…