My four year old is more sarcastic than me… help

Dear me it has been too long my sweet internet friends. I will not bore you with my excuses. Instead I will tell you some hilarious stories from my four year old daughter.

can I wear my crown to the zoo?

 

1.

Me- I told you a million times not to pour the water out of the pool

T- No, you told me three times.

 

 

2.

Me- Don’t eat that candy it is old.

T- No it isn’t

Me- It is from christmas, so do not eat it

T- Its not old, its not old, its not old

Me- your face is old

T- mom, not everything is old, except you

 

3.

T- I have a guardian angel. His name is peachin’

Me- oh really?

T- yes, he is teaching me to twirl without falling down and he is teaching K not to bite

Me- what does he look like?

T- points to Marc Anthony on my i phone, thats him. 

 

4.

T- mommy I am ready for another tiny baby at our house 

Me- Babies are expensive, we don’t have enough money for another one

T- because I cost money and K costs money?

Me- Yes

T- Well you can have my piggy bank money. 

 

5.

Me- Why are you putting my phone in your book sack?

T- I need a phone at pre-k to text my friends, mom.

 

6.

T- I am turning four, so we are four birthday parties. And you know that.

 

7. My daughter came to school with me the last day of finals, for fun

T- Why do they keep giving me sugar? Don’t they know I have had enough sugar?

 

T- Do you take naps in high school?

Me- No

T- I can teach them how to nap in their desks, it’s easy.

Me- I don’t think that is necessary

 

8.

Me- Why did you hit me?

T- I am still learning to be good. I am trying but it is hard not to hit and bite people. I know you are teaching me, but sometimes I make mistakes. But, when I make mistakes and you get mad I know you love me anyway

 

She Carrie Bradshawed him…

It all started when my brother started dating this girl. Let’s call her Jenny. Jenny and my brother let’s call him Tommy, fell quickly in love. Although none of us knew why. We all just watched their relationship like a slow moving accident waiting for them to explode. And did they.

I love them both dearly, but separately. Very separately. Jenny is a free spirit. The type of spirit not meant to be tied down to a person or a place. I could easily see her wandering Tibet on a spiritual journey. Tommy is a carefree, but stable man.  Though he may not realize it all of the time he is a southern family man. Their life paths simply were not headed in the same direction.

But who cares when you are in love. They got engaged anyways. After a year of negotiation. *Hint to readers, your engagement should not require negotiation. *

They were engaged for a few months, when their friends threw them an engagement party. We walked up the steps of this beautiful New Orleans Row house and there she was. Just standing there with her engagement ring on a necklace around her neck.

The entire sub plot of Carrie’s engagement to Aiden flashed before my eyes. Is she really at her own engagement party and not wearing the ring on her finger. This is not seriously happening. Who does this? I wanted to ask her just to see if she would say that she wanted the ring to be close to her heart, like Carrie used to say.

How did no one else at this party notice? Maybe we all noticed and we just didn’t say anything.

A few weeks later she broke it off. My brother broke into a million pieces. How do you tell someone that you saw this coming, we all saw this coming?

There are things that happen in real life and things that happen on tv and every once in a while they both happen together in a monumental disastrous way.

Did that really happen? Did she really Carrie Bradshaw her own engagement party?

Yes

Yes it did.

Cut your parents some slack

Today while I was on lunch duty, by the pizza line (yes the pizza they serve in a pre-made plastic bag) , in the rain, I watched high schoolers stand in the quad and just get rained on. For the life of my I could understand why they didn’t just go inside to the cafeteria. Why did they need to stand in the rain and eat? While contemplating this, and crossing my fingers no one hit anyone because I sure as hell was not going out in that rain, I realized I did the same thing in high school. When it would rain, I would go out of my way to go outside and walk in the rain and splash in the puddles in between classes. Yet, I have no clue why I did this. Seriously, it is gone from my mind.

So maybe your parents did do the crazy things you are doing now, but they don’t know why they did them and can no longer understand them. Cut them some slack, they were just like you once. Even if they forget why.

A week ago my daughter woke up crying to get into bed with me. It made me think back to when I would have a nightmare and run into my parents room and instantly feel safe laying between them. What frightened me was that I am now this safety net for someone else. What immense pressure. I don’t know what I am doing, hell I’m still afraid of all the bumps I hear in the night. How can I possibly be the creator of safety? I wonder how scared my parents were when I was young and ran to them. If they were, they never let it show.

The moral of the story is: kids, the next time your parents are acting a fool, just remember one day you will become them and you will have no idea how you got there, so be patient with us and hope your kids will be patient with you. We don’t know as much as we look like we do.

Super mom, keeping small children safe from giraffes everyday.

 

Motherhood Times Two

Here I am folks three months in to having two children. An almost 3 year old and a 3 month old. People told me that having two kids would be a nightmare similar to the zombie apocalypse. I was scared, hell I was terrified. Turns out having two kids rocks! It is way better than having one.

 

Here are some of the wonderful moments I have had since having two kids:

1. Every morning my oldest comes in and looks at the baby. She gets the biggest smile and exclaims, “She got bigger  mommy!”
2. My oldest is dramatic. As in a bug looked at me, so I need ice, a band-aid, juice and I will cry for five minutes, dramatic. My youngest thinks this is hilarious, so every time my oldest freaks out, she laughs at her.
3. At the Dr. office I was getting my oldest’s cough checked out. I had the youngest (4 wks at the time) in my boba carrier. (yep I am totally a baby wearer). My oldest decided now was a good time to freak out, so the baby of course decided to poop. So I made the rookie mistake of changing the baby in my lap. AND she peed all over me. Then we had to go downstairs for chest x rays. So I was covered in pee, with two screaming children in a waiting room. Yes, I made wife leave work to come rescue me.
4. My youngest loves to cuddle!! Baby cuddles may just be the best cuddles available.
5. Just knowing that in a few short months, I won’t just have one dancing daughter I will have two J Because what I need in life is more tutu wearing performances.
6. My oldest is potty trained, but not perfect. She has the uncanny ability to wait until I am nursing the baby to have the worst poop accidents.
7. Each morning when I drop the baby off in her room at school, my oldest picks out the swing/rocker she will go in. She walks all around looks at each of them carefully and picks. It is pretty adorable.
8. But, the best part of having two kids so far is the day care bill. Just kidding, that shit sucks monkey balls. My mortgage is smaller than my day care bill.

 

On a side note my oldest has promised to be my best friend forever. So, I will totally be avoiding those teenage years where she hates me. Planning ahead.

The day the lights went out

Last thursday night there was a terrible no good very bad storm and it shook the whole house. This storm was so fierce that it knocked the power out a school and thus we got the day off of school.

Days off are great, unexpected days off are EPIC.

This is a recount of my EPIC day off.

I was running late and so the wife took the girls to school. She called me all pumped, “guess what I heard on the radio you don’t have to go to school today!” I was super pumped. What would I do first? Should I go back to bed? Go streaking through the quad?The options were endless so naturally, I took a long hot bath, which I have not been able to do since before the baby was born. It was a beautiful thing. Then I went to day care and got the baby. Because you don’t get much alone time with the second baby and I was getting my baby time in. Next, the babes and I met the wife for lunch and ate some bangin barbeque. Then I spent the afternoon playing with the baby.

This may not sound like much to you, but to me it was perfect.

That evening my oldest sat the baby down next to her and explained the finer art of yo gabba gabba.

The perfect beginning of my perfect mother’s day weekend.

“You’re favorite is toodee, my favorite is Foofa”

My sister goes vegan part 2

I went Vegan!

 

 

The end of Lent is approaching, and I have so many great vegan experiences to share!

Here’s a basic idea of what I ate most days.

Breakfast: plain oatmeal with honey and natural peanut butter added.

 Lunch: Brown rice, lots of veggies, piece of fruit.

 Dinner:  Different almost every night.  I had so much fun trying vegan recipes.

 

Here are some go to recipes that I never would have discovered if I hadn’t been trying to eat Vegan.  I used these recipes almost every week, and they were so delicious that I’ll definitely keep making them!

 

 

1.http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2011/09/28/recipe-easy-split-pea-soup/

This recipe is so easy, and makes great leftovers!  Even my non-veggie loving husband LOVED this.  I just substituted the chicken stock for vegetable stock. Mmmmmmmm!  It has such a great rich flavor, and adding sriracha sauce made it nice and spicy! 🙂

 

2. Vegan Burritos.  In the past I always pile TONS of cheese on my mexican food… but what really surprised me is how much I like my burritios with absolutely no dairy or meat!  At first I thought, there would be nothing left but condiments… but now I think burritos just taste so crisp and fresh this way, I think I prefer it!

 

You could make this with most anything you like, but we used: whole wheat tortillas or pita, black beans, brown rice, avacado/guacamole, tomatoes, salsa, and cilantro.

 

3. http://allrecipes.com/recipe/vegan-broccoli-soup/

I actually only made this soup once, but it was really good!  I was surprised to see how well the cashews worked as an ingredient!

 

4.Salad.

I used to hate salad, but now I love it!  Seriously.  I had so much fun experimenting with different salads.  I found out that a good dressing makes all the difference to me, and I really only like home made dressings. A favorite go-to dressing was this one:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/simple-balsamic-vinaigrette-recipe/index.html

I used honey instead of sugar.

 

5.  Tofu stir fry:  I used organic tofu (and we only did this once in a while, b/c of the risks of eating soy.  I would fry the tofu in olive oil and then just mix it with a bag of frozen veggies.  Much better than it sounds. 😉

 

 

Of course, some recipes were a definite flop.  I found that recipes that are usually based on a meat were a big disappointment… vegan mushroom stroganoff for example… not so great without the beef!  The recipe used cornstarch (ew!) to give it thickness, and it was barely edible.

 

 

As to my original posed questions…..

 

Here are some of my pre-Vegan thoughts that I hope to explore:

 

1. Will learning to say “no,” to my food impulses give me strength in other areas of my life?

I think so!  Its hard to evaluate your own self-control, but it definitely gave me more confidence in my own “power.”  I usually don’t tell myself “no,” when it comes to food.  Doing so over and over again, made me feel like I have more control over my choices in life.  Definitely a confidence booster.  It reminded me of a CS Lewis quote: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ”

2. Will not having the option of emotional junk food eating help me to grow as a person?  Will I turn to prayer or meditation, or will I replace my cravings with some other temporary pacifier?

I have to be honest here, and tell you that it did not.  I totally caved to my weaknesses, and just found vegan junk food to indulge in.  Surprisingly enough oreos are vegan… its a terrible terrible thing!!!!  I really admire people who have actually been able to give up all the bad stuff entirely… I’ll take any advice you have to offer. 😉

 

3. Will I feel any different physically from eating Vegan?  Will I have more energy?

Its really hard to say.  I’d like to think so… but could be a placebo effect sort of thing.  I did always feel extra great when I juiced though.  I got super into making green juice (with things like cucumber, celery, kale, and apple)… and every time I drink it I feel a little bit like super woman.  Not to mention I can’t get over how pretty it looks in a glass! (Green IS my favorite color.)

 

4. What will I do when eating over at someone’s house (I’m shy and don’t see myself liking to explain all this to people)?

I guess I don’t have much of a social life, b/c this really wasn’t a big problem lol.  It was slightly awkward at my Baptist in-laws, who wanted an explanation of why you would do lent, and didn’t quite understand… but we only had the conversation once.

 

5.  Will I find good Vegan options at restaurants?

YES!  Oh my gosh, the asian vegan food was amazing!  I tried things I never would have tried before, and let me tell you, it was some of the best food I’ve ever had!  Thai, Vietnamese, and Indian restaurants have great Vegan options… I only wish I knew how to cook it myself!

 

6.Will this change the way I eat or view food permanently?

For sure.  I realized that I can go without meat pretty easily.  I used to see myself as a big meat eater (I even craved rare steaks), but now the idea of eating meat kind of grosses me out… makes me thing of gnawing on muscles.  (Sorry I know thats gross!)

 

7.Is there any (affordable) AND tasty way to drink coffee with cream as a vegan (this is crucial to my happiness 😉 ).

No.  This is the one thing that was really really hard for me.  Coffee is NOT the same without milk!!!   I just hate stealing the milk from those baby cows… but its so good….. still not sure what to do about this.

 

8.  How am I ever going to give up Diet Coke????!!!!! Blurg!

Things are looking bleak in this area. Wah Wah Wah.

 

9..  And of course every girl’s constant question…. will I lose weight? lol.

No… I think it was those darn oreos.

 

In conclusion.. as Miley Cyrus would say… going vegan was “pretty cool.”  You should try it too!

 

Much love,

NeverContrary’s sister ❤

Long Deep Breaths

I am one of those people that likes to soak life in.

I have these moments in life where time seems to stand still and I just look around soaking up every detail: Every smell, every color, every sound. Hoping that with time these memories don’t fade.

 

The latest one happened while I was rocking my screaming newborn to sleep in her room for an hour. What you say, how could that have been a moment you want to remember? You see as I sit in the dark nursery and look at the pale yellow walls and the freshly painted white crib, I wince at the thought of how fast these moments will pass me by.

I love every last moment of babies.

And when they grow too old to wake in the night. I cry.

Because you see, that is less time I get to spend with them.

And I don’t want to miss a single second.

 

Thank goodness my two year old promised to be my best friend forever.

My belated Thanksgiving post, because why the hell not?

While reading this, imagine it is thanksgiving 🙂

Every where I turn online people are writing about the things they are thankful for. Because they apparently are only thankful during thanksgiving. Yet, I struggle to understand this holiday. I struggle to understand how people can pretend to be thankful and then the majority of they year be filled with such negativity towards each other and such hatred.

So instead of writing a post about things I am thankful for, I am going to write about hypocritical things I do not understand

 

1. People who are pro life, but only the lives they deem worthy. For some that is unborn, but not the innocent on death row. For others that is those who are in their religion, but not others. For some that is simply their life and no one else’s. How can you pick and chose whose life is worthy and whose is not. Do you really think you know that much about everyone’s life?

2. People who think the only people on government assistance don’t need it, and are living the high life, and then tell you, that you should try and get on food stamps because everyone else is. Because getting $4 a day for food from the government is really making you dependent on anything.

3. People who would rather spend tens of thousands of dollars a year on private school then a couple extra hundred a year in taxes to make the public schools better. You know because when you spend money on taxes its evil even when it is less than the alternative.

4. People who spend years and years complaining about their life, but do not want to do anything to make it better. Or have an excuse as to why they can’t do anything to make it better. (not talking about those cases where you truly cannot do anything of course)

5. People who think if you don’t hit your child they will grow up spoiled and useless. Yes, you are so right. We must teach our children the only way anyone learns anything is through violence. Because that is working so well for the world. P.S. 80% of american still spank their kids, so saying youth today are spoiled bc they were not spanked isn’t going to work for you. How about we all just do our best to raise our kids? Just a thought.

 

 

My Sister Goes Vegan Part 1

My super amazing sister is going vegan for lent. I thought what a fabulous topic for my blog. I have asked her to write a few pieces about the experience. Now, try not to like it too much. She is a published author and a far better writer than I.

ENJOY!!

 

 

I’m going VEGAN!

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, and for many people that means the start of a 40 day fasting period before Easter.  I see it as a time of restraint, meditation, and preparation for the coming of Easter.

This Lent season I’ve decided to give up all animal products.  This may not seem to have much to do with religion, BUT I do think that practicing self control can manifest itself in spiritual ways… besides, my body is a temple right?

Also, I’m also kind of killing two birds with one stone here, because I’ve been slightly obsessed lately with learning about “real,” (as in unprocessed) food, and have been reading some great books, like French Kids Eat Everything, In Defense of Food, and The China Study.  I also read the 100daysofrealfood blog, and Food Babe (in embarrassing quantities), but, hey no one can say I lack enthusiasm!  Long story short, I’ve been slowly weaning myself off of highly processed foods and trying to eat more fruits and veggies.

As my sister’s “wifey,” would say “I drank the Kool-Aid,” and I’m ready to plunge in head first and try becoming a Vegan .    My plan is to fill you guys in on the struggles, rewards, ups and downs of my adventure.  Who knows maybe by the end of Lent I’ll be a brand new woman.

Here are some of my pre-Vegan thoughts that I hope to explore:
1. Will learning to say “no,” to my food impulses give me strength in other areas of my life?
2. Will not having the option of emotional junk food eating help me to grow as a person?  Will I turn to prayer or meditation, or will I replace my cravings with some other temporary pacifier?
3. Will I feel any different physically from eating Vegan?  Will I have more energy?
4. What will I do when eating over at someone’s house (I’m shy and don’t see myself liking to explain all this to people)?
5.  Will I find good Vegan options at restaurants?
6.Will this change the way I eat or view food permanently?
7.Is there any (affordable) AND tasty way to drink coffee with cream as a vegan (this is crucial to my happiness 😉 ).
8.  How am I ever going to give up Diet Coke????!!!!! Blurg!
9..  And of course every girl’s constant question…. will I lose weight? lol.

There should be a number ten shouldn’t there? Dang it!
Wish me luck!  Maybe all my reading will finally be put to good use!

Peace and Cheers!
NeverContrary’s sister….
AlwaysContemplating?  SometimesVegan?  TrulyTerrific!  BlogNamesAreHard!!

Making A Gaybie- The First Trimester

Well bloggers I have been keeping a fairly large secret from you. The past nine months I have been pregnant. Perhaps you had a few inklings when my blog started to smell like puke, or maybe it was the hormonal rants that tipped you off, but I have been indeed incubating a little girl.

Ok so this isn’t the 1st trimester- it’s 36 weeks, but who wants to see a flat tummy

I have prepared a few blog posts along the way for your enjoyment. It will be like you were right there the whole way through I promise.

When people find out you are pregnant, they want you to tell them how blessed you feel and how it is the most wonderful experience of your life. No one wants you to tell them what is really going on. It is almost as if we are a part of a secret motherhood society sworn to secrecy.

First rule of motherhood, no one talks about the bad parts.

Second rule of motherhood, shun all the moms that talk about the bad parts.

Third rule of motherhood, tell all the other mothers they are doing it wrong.

I think that those moms out there that say pregnancy is easy, are straight up lying. Thats right I said it. Liar Liar pants on fire. You may love all the weird things about pregnancy, but growing a human from scratch is not easy.

Let’s start at the beginning. For me pregnancy starts with puking. Everyday all day. For about ten weeks. When I say puke I don’t mean the pink nasty liquid one usually pukes up. I mean in the middle of dinner running to the kitchen sink because the bathroom is too far and puking the pasta right back up whole. Then, walking back to the table and finishing dinner. See, I told you no one wants to hear that. It’s too disgusting. But, lets not forget the exhaustion that comes in the first trimester as well. I would take two naps a day folks. Yes, I was in grad school for 8 hours a day, but hey, I teach calculus no need to be awake for a class about math I already teach right?

When people find out a lesbian is pregnant they have  many reactions. Here a few of my favorites this time around.

“You are pregnant again? I didn’t think that was possible.”

~gee, I guess since I am a lesbian I can only get pregnant once.

“Do they both have the same father.”

~Do you have the same dad as your siblings? How can you be sure, did you get a DNA test?

“Oh shit.”

~That was my step mom, nice huh.

p.s. For the next couple weeks I will only be posting and not reading blogs. Just a little busy and sleep deprived. I do hope to catch up with all of you when I am out of baby jail 🙂