Lets go cut down a turkey


There is nothing like a day that celebrates food. Yeah Yeah you are supposed to give thanks and stuff. But its all about the food, and then shopping. I mean thats what the TV tells me and the TV never lies. Just look at Fox news. No opinions, just facts.

This year I am thinking go cut down a turkey just like christmas trees. There must be places I can go run after a turkey and chop it dead to put on my table. Ooh better stop at the bass pro first to get a new camo dress to hunt turkey in. The camo underwear I got there is just too cute.

I can see it now, the family gathered around: Everyone awkardly listing the things they are thankful for. The group decision on which way to pass food, the new boyfriend at family dinner nervously making chit chat. My daughter wearing the biggest poofiest dress out of her closet with as many bows as she can fit on her head. My dad hinting I need to change my discipline tactics. The dogs barking. The dogs peeing. The awkward blended family conversations.

Why would I want to miss a day as glorious as this? Because Christmas is way better. Ok so its exactly the same but with presents. PRESENTS!


Decoration Failure

I will always love holidays. Any excuse to party right? I love buying magazines with all the amazing ideas on how to decorate your house. And all the fall food to cook for your friends and family. But I can never seem to make it look that great. This year I planned on placing pumpkins by the door not carving them so they wouldnt rot super fast. I even saw one house that had painted their pumkins white yellow orange stripes to look like candy corn. Amazing. What ended up happening? I have one pumpkin my daughter carries around the house and colors on. Fail. What about all the wonderful fall food. Not going to happen. My friends are all super busy with babies or their own family. No one to eat fall food means no reason to make fall food. So the most I have made is pumpkin bread. Fail. I long so much to be martha stewart. Crafting up beautiful decorations, making amazing meals, but that shit is never going to happen. I need to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to have one of those cute festive houses. I must not really want to do these things. Because the things I really want I get. Then why this longing for a beautifully crafted holiday home? Maybe I have watched too much TV? Read too many issues of Southern Living? Or maybe I have a secret 1950’s house wife hidden inside me that I am repressing? Let’s call her Susan.

I may have failed at halloween, but there is always christmas…. Susan loves Christmas


Today has been a great saturday. I got to sleep in until 7. I had delicious organic eggs for breakfast. Took my daughter grocery shopping and she sat quietly in the cart the entire time. That is epic in itself. Then … get ready for it…

we went to the pumpkin patch. Orange pumpkins as far as you can see. Face painting. petting zoo. playground. giant red bubble. It is the giant tarp they burry in the ground and then fill with air. its like a giant trampoline thing. Like bouncy on the earths giant red zit. akward.

My daughter wanted to take every pumpkin she could carry home with us. Thankfully she is easily distracted, so I can put the pumpkins back. What could possibly make the day better. Five guys could. Hey get your mind out of the gutter. I am talking about big juicy hamburgers. People have told me five guys is the best burgers in town, but i was skeptical to be honest. They were right. Normally I would not admit that someone else is right, but damn these were great burgers.

The only think that would make this weekend better would be pie. Oh wait my dad got me a  half a peach pie from a diner in the middle of no where lousiana. In your face. My weekend is totally kicking your weekends butt admit it.