What I learned in Grad School…

I am now a master.

I have learned quite a few life changing things while in grad school. Out of the goodness of my heart I have decided to share a few with you.

 

1. Putting a group of adults into one room for eight hours a day for an entire summer is a terrible idea. Somehow we made it out alive, yet I am not sure how.

 

2. If you are lucky people will leave you notes on how to use a toilet.

photo 1

 

Thank goodness I went to grad school! I had no idea you were supposed to flush these fancy things.

3. Good men still exist.

photo 2

 

Isn’t nice of this young man to warn girls ahead of time that he has a small dick.

 

4. If you tell your advisor that you are going to get shots, he will ask to come with you.

photo 3

 

5. Whatever anyone says it is totally worth it. Educate yourself people.

Blue Milk

This post was inspired by James Madden and rumplemintz shots:

We are feeding our children blue milk.

There was a time when they used to feed cows with leftovers from the beer breweries. This left the cows under nourished and in turn would cause them to make very thin milk. In order to conceal this from consumers they added chalk to the milk; leaving children drinking fake milk.

This is what is happening in the world of Mathematics textbooks.

Look at me! I'm bullshit math.

Look at me! I’m bullshit math.

Corrupt evil crappy geometry textbook companies, yeah that is you Pearson, Holt, and Glencoe,  got together with arrogant stupid fuck heads in the department of education. To create water downed mathematics. To the point where when you open a geometry text book it isn’t actual geometry. But NC, it looks like math to me. That my friends, is because you have been lied to for generations about  math.

You were taught blue math.

Your children are being taught  blue math.

And thus the sorry state of affairs America is in. Uneducated masses buying into the  bullshit from Fox news and Bobby Jindal.

The time has come to stop drinking blue milk my friends.

Wake the fuck up.

Get off my property or I will send my pet ghost after you

You know what is wrong with America today?

Education.

Yes as a teacher I believe this wholeheartedly.

How did I come to this conclusion. Obviously the door to door religious salesmen in my neighborhood.

knock, knock … who is it? … It’s the Jesus people ma’am we are here to save you from the perils of the universe with only 3 easy payments

 

Every saturday a church group ( I am not going to say which church you can guess if you want) goes door to door in big groups throughout the neighborhood telling tales of how we are in the end times.

I decided that I had spoken with them enough times and put up a very classy silver no soliciting sign.

see the handprint- that is the ghost’s handprint. I am not lying.

Now, one would think that this wonderful sign would strongly let solicitors know I am warning them to stay off my property.

One problem, they do not know what soliciting means. Dead serious.

Education Fail.

I have taken to barely opening the door, yelling no soliciting and slamming it shut. Has proven to be quite effective.

 

 

Today I let anger win and that makes me sad.

Today was a dark day. I actually got into a heated confrontation with someone. Something that is becoming more of a rare occurrence for me.

It all started with me saying I felt unsafe when I drove through states like Texas. Which brought the you are being paranoid comment. And I lost it.

Am I being paranoid when, I have been pulled over and harassed by cops in Texas to the point of tears?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had doctors refuse to be my doctor?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had strangers come up to me and tell me I am going to hell?

Am I being paranoid when, I have people come up to me while I was pregnant and tell me my child would be be messed up because I was their parent?

Am I being paranoid when, I cannot send my child to half of the schools in the city I live in, simply because I am her mother?

Am I being paranoid when, I have been offered jobs and then they take it back?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had co workers who have never met me try to get me fired?

Am I being paranoid when, I turn on the news and people are calling for my death?

Am I being paranoid when, presidential candidates are saying children with father’s in prison are better off then in my home?

Am I being paranoid when, I am getting refused service in a restaurant and asked to leave?

Am I being paranoid when, many state’s GOP platform includes that my family is tearing at the fabric of society?

yes, a lot of people love the gays. But, do not for one second think that being a gay family in the south all rainbows.

Some things you wish you could un-hear

Things Teachers hear, but wish oh so badly we never had:

“All male teachers flirt with the female students, you just only do it to a certain point, so they know it is just for fun”- a male teacher

“She dropped out of school because her dad got her pregnant”- a student

“I need to tell you that in your 3rd hour kids have been giving each other hand jobs under the lab tables when you have subs” -a student

“all public school teachers are bad teachers”- a teacher

“I am going to shut down your school and if for someone reason you save it, I will try to shut you down again next year” – superintendent

“I heard there was a gun at your school today?” “I didn’t know that” “Oh yeah it was on the news” “Oh yeah, they don’t even tell us anymore” -my dad and me

“You know she got suspended for sending naked texts to all the boys at school”- a student

“He only hit her because he was angry” – a mom about her son and his girlfriend

Tainted Youth

This poem is not in fact inspired by the violence post yesterday, but by a conversation I had with a few students in my class. Who  informed me bullying was not a big deal because if someone bullies you, then you just hit them until they stop. They continued to say beating someone up is always the best answer to your problems.

 

My heart is

broken

for you

how do you

manage to stay

so angry 

everyday?

Your soul

must

be

so

heavy

How do you

manage to

breathe

everyday?

When all

I see is

fire

coming out of

your mouth

Keep looking

behind

you

maybe one day

you will catch them

 

“those people”

out to get

you

 

But

be

warned my friend

if you

only

answer

with

violence

 

Violence

is

all

you

will

find

Open letter to Bobby Jindal

Dear Mr. Jindal,

There have been many wonderful things you have done for this state. You are greatly loved by many. As a teacher I have a few thoughts on your new education plans. I understand that you want to focus on teachers.  I will agree that I have witnessed a few less than stellar teachers, but I wonder what you plan to do with the big issues in your schools.

Every day I would get to school and have to clean the rat feces off of my desk and the students desk. When I asked the health inspector what he could do about the rats he told me “there was nothing that could be done.” When rats would run along the wall in class it was very difficult to get the class back on track. There were a couple of holes in the windows of my classroom. I covered them with duct tape, yet wasps continued to get into class. I feared not only for students with allergies, but also that a simple wasp sting would hurt an innocent child. I wonder what your thoughts are on how I should teach in this room. What would you have done if this was your child’s classroom? There are quite a few schools that I know would fit this model.

The second big issue I faced was the lack of professional development. One of the big issues today is how are teachers do not spend enough time  training. I taught higher level math. I asked my district professional development coordinater if there was any math training the district offered past geometry. They said they had never had any. No training for Algebra 2, precalculus, or calculus. Let alone AP courses. I looked throughout the state for training to become a better math teacher and found very little. I wonder where in your new laws there is more teacher training for those that want to become better teachers.

The third big issue I faced was how to teach children coming from rough home lives. I had children who would sleep through class because they were homeless and slept on a school bench outside the previous night. Students who had been raped. Students who would be coming down from severe drug highs in the middle of class. Students vomiting from being drunk at 8 am. I was ill equipped on how to help them. I would have loved training on how to not only reach those students, but empower them to want to be great. Does part of your law include plans for these students and their teachers?

The fourth big issue I saw was the violence in school. Not once was the school put on lock down for a gun. The only way I knew they had found and taken a gun was by watching the evening news. Students would get into such violent fights that often someone left in an ambulance. I know there was training for non violent intervention, but it made no significant change. Many of the schools practiced positive behavior intervention. Yet, still guns and violence. What part of your new law deals with guns and violence in the schools?

Sincerely,

A concerned teacher

Math Rocks My Face Off

I am a nerd.

How much of a nerd you say? Well I teach math and I am getting my masters in natural science. Nothing gets me giddier than imaginary numbers. I mean you can do math with them, yet they do not exist. How wild is that? Just thinking about it gives me tingles. They don’t exist. AHHHH. I just can’t get over it.

Coming up next month is pi day. March 14th. 3.14. Is it destiny that it also happens to be my birthday? I think not. I was born to do math. Like superman was born to save Lois Lane and LSU was destined to dominate the SEC.

In planning for pi day this year. I came across the most awesome math rap. I know what you are thinking- “Thank God! How did she know that I was losing hope that I would ever find a math rap to learn and perform at parties.”

You’re Welcome!

 

 

*image from n3rd.co.uk*