I am in the need of some serious detectives. Someone has been throwing dead fish in the drainage ditch next to my house.
Who could possibly be doing such a despicable thing? The smell in the thick swamp summer air is powerful enough to make you beg for mercy.
My first thought was the crazy man at the end of the street. He has security cameras all around his house, called the cops because someone dropped a piece of fruit on his driveway, kept them there for hours over it. Every year he lets his beard go crazy and goes up to the VA to show he has PTSD, so he can continue to get disability. Does he really? Guess we shall never know, but I am leaning towards yes.
But, if it were him, that would require him leaving his house, which he does not do.
Hmmm… It could be the crazy teenagers that live across the street. Four teenage girls. Their mother is never home. Come to think of it, no one is ever home. They must all have a separate life someplace else. Plus, they don’t seem like the type to touch dead fish.
Maybe it is the thug cats collecting a stash so they can have one raging party later this weekend? I really need to invest in some cat repellant for my yard. Or at least charging an entrance fee.
I think the only obvious solution is aliens.
It is truly the answer to all questions. Why is so hot this year? Aliens. Why is Michelle Bachmann so scary? Aliens. Where do all those missing socks go? Aliens.