The future of Birthdays

Celebrating your birthday after you have children is not only way better than before, it might even put Vegas to shame. My daughter is 21 months old and this is what we did to celebrate my birthday.


3:30 am – She was so excited it was my birthday she snuck into my room to say Hi! What is better on your birthday morning than waking up before dawn? Hours and hours before dawn.

6:00 am- Eat breakfast on the floor in the kitchen. Why eat breakfast in bed when you can sit on the cold tile and share half of a biscuit that your child slobbered on?

work, work, work, have a pie thrown at you, work, work, work

5:00 pm- Go out to eat at a Vietnamese Pho restaurant with the family. Nothing says birthday like eating noodles, drinking iced tea, and changing poopy diapers.

6:30 pm- The nightly dance party begins. We run into my daughter’s room, and she goes to the closet and picks a tutu. Then she yells dance, dance, dance. And so of course we get  the monkey.

Best Present Ever!

Why the monkey? Because it sings Rihanna naturally. (G rated)

There is nothing more perfect than dancing in tutus to pop music with your daughter.

Epic Birthday.




All you need to know about staying healthy

Each month my school sends home a health letter. I have found it extremely helpful in maintaining my super fit physique. Now I must warn you this newsletter is only the most important health news in the nation.

Here are the sensational headlines from this month’s letter

1. Being a good friend- This is a list of ten ways to be a good friend such as “give your friends space” and “Talk about others positively”

2. How do you say I love you- simple ways to say I love you everyday such as” send an email” and “leave a note in their lunch box”

3. Heart Healthy Recipe tricks- These are some great tips such as” microwave and drain fat”

4. Hot dance steps for romance or fun- Everyone knows tap dancing is the way to romance with young men these days.

5. Putting your best foot forward- By which I mean how to find the best athletic shoes.

6. Germs don’t like people who wash their hands- You know what germs I don’t like you either.

7. Inner Hunger- A paragraph about eating disorders. Which are so simple they can obviously be explained in a few sentences.

8. Tax Preparation- Only prepare your taxes yourself if you think paying taxes is fun. How did they know I loved paying taxes. I have Tax day circled on my calender with a big heart.

9. Low Vision awareness month- What are the signs of low vision? Not being able to read signs, not being able to recognize faces, and not being able to match your clothes. Ha Ha maybe I need some new glasses.

10. Dental Disease in dogs and cats- Summary, clean your pets teeth.

Friday Night Dance Party !

Friday night, time to hit the club. Get dressed up in clothes you wouldn’t be seen in during the day. Put on far too much make up. Flirt with people you can’t stand for a free drink and make out with your best friend’s date. Oh wait. I’m not 21 anymore. The drinks are made of milk, the dancing is done in pjs, and passing out happens at eight pm.  Oh the joys of parenthood.