I put a spell on you and now you’re mine.

If you are from Louisiana you know about New Orleans Voodoo. It is a part of our culture. Engrained so much that children are not allowed to dress as witches for halloween at some schools as to not offend the voodoo practitioners. You are thinking how can a state that votes for Rick Santorum also be a place of voodoo? Well, the people of Louisiana are  a kin to a giant blend of crazy, you just never know what you will find here. But you can be sure what you find will be crazy.

One cannot mistake Louisiana Voodoo with that of Southern Hoodoo and Hatian Voodoo- the difference- according to the reliable wikipedia is Louisiana Voodoo is often confused with—but is not completely separable from—Haitian Vodou and southern Hoodoo. It differs from Vodou in its emphasis upon Gris-gris, voodoo queens, use of Hoodoo occult paraphernalia, and Li Grand Zombi (snake deity). It was through Louisiana Voodoo that such terms as gris-gris (a Wolof term) and voodoo dolls were introduced into the American lexicon. Contrary to popular belief the gris gris or voodoo dolls are actually used to bless people more often than curse.

I tried to walk into The tourist house of voodoo in New Orleans and simply could not. I cannot imagine what would happen If I were actually invited into a true house of voodoo. I fear I may faint.

image from google images

 

There are many superstitions associated with Louisiana Voodoo:

  • A lock of a girl’s hair brings good luck.
  • If you lay a broom across the doorway at night, a witch can’t come in and hurt you.
  • Having a woman visit you the first thing on Monday mornings is bad luck for the rest of the week.
  • Don’t borrow or lend salt because that is bad luck.
  • If you sweep trash out of the house after dark you will sweep away your luck.
  • Don’t shake a tablecloth outside after dark or someone in your family will die.
  • To stop a Voodoo spell being placed upon you, acquire some bristles from a pig cooked at a Voodoo ritual, tie the bristles into a bundle and carry them on you at all times.
  • If a woman sprinkles some salt from her house to yours, it will give you bad luck until you clean the salt away and put pepper over your door sill.
  • If a woman wants her husband to stay away from other woman, she can do so by putting a little of her blood in his coffee, and he will never quit her.
  • If a woman’s husband dies and you don’t want her to marry again, cut all of her husband’s shoes all in little pieces, just as soon as he is dead, and she will never marry again.
  • You can give someone a headache by taking and turning their picture upside down.
  • You can harm a person in whatever way you want to by getting a lock of his hair and burning some and throwing the rest away.
  • You can make a farmer’s well go dry by putting some soda in the well for one week, each day; then drawing a bucket of water out and throwing it in the river to make the well go dry.

I have been told Voodoo only works if you believe in it. But, all it takes is one little bit of doubt that maybe just maybe there is something to it, and you are susceptible. If you came across a grave yard out in the bayou on a dark hot summer night. Where their were skulls and bones everywhere, fiery candles glowing, people chanting, and they stop- and all turn to you at the same moment. And shout something you do not understand. Would you think they had cursed you?

Would you believe?

 

 

 

Don’t you just want to get away sometimes?

I have decided I want to move to a remote tropical Island. I can see it now. Becoming a vegetarian and growing my own vegetables to live off of. Swimming in the ocean every afternoon. Writing wonderful books the world would love reading. It would be beautiful and so peaceful. How did I come to this conclusion? I am losing faith in humanity that is how. And I would like to get away from the crazies.

Perks to living on a secluded Island:

1. No crazy politicians promising to stop the separation of church and state. Because that is working out so well for Iraq and Iran.

2. No crazy commercialized christmas hooplah: Because what I need is another cheap present from walmart in my life.

3. No Reality TV: well no TV at all. I want my life back TV. I am pretty sure a world exists with out you. I think.

4. Super awesome tan year round: No one looks good pale. Not even Edward Cullen.

5. No more cultural pressure: As much fun as it is to keep up with the Jones’, I think I’ll pass.

6. No Chick-Fil-A: Chick-Fil-A donates money to hate filled organizations and it will be too soon if I have to see one again.

7. No awkward family gatherings: Being on an island it will be super expensive to visit me, so only the family that truly likes me will come. Thus ending all uncomfortable weekend long family events.

8. You will have defeated the traffic causing aliens: Ha Ha aliens that cause the traffic making me late to work. There will be no traffic on my island. You lose.

9. Everyone will be jealous of you: Sure they will pretend they couldn’t do it, but secretly they will all wish they were as cool as you.

10. Did I mention you get away from the crazies? You know who you are. Go away.

*Disclaimer- The above picture is not of an actual secluded Island. It is in fact a picture I took of Florida.

I’m on a boat

I don’t go on cruises. Ever.

Now “people” tell me that cruises are so much fun. That is a load of shit. Being stuck on a boat with a bunch of people I really do not want to see in a swimsuit is not fun. Laying on south beach with topless models skipping about. That is fun.

Oh but they have all the food you can eat. Ok seriously? Have you ever eaten good food? Good food does not come with all you can eat options. That food you are speaking of is what lazy americans think good food tastes like. I feel sorry for those americans.

Ok well then what about the excursions? I can fly to those locations and do all of the excursions without being stuck on a boat, while eating actual local food, drinking local drinks, and embracing the culture. There is so little appreciation left for the cultures of the world.

Ok Ok what about the cost? It is true Cruises can be very affordable. But when I do something I am going to go all out. So when i go on vacation, I  go all out. I may go on less vacations than my cruising amigos, but I am going on so truly amazing vacations.

Oh and I am afraid of boats.