The time of year we all celebrate what is gross and evil, hooray!

Today is almost October 1st. So naturally, we began our month long halloween celebration. If you knew me in high school you would wonder how I had gone from not celebrating Halloween because it was a satanic pagan holiday to a month long celebration, but isn’t that everyone’s natural progression?

Halloween and October mark the beginning of fall. The stores begin to put out fall decorations, isles upon isles of candy to continue the decline of American youth into a hopeless cycle of depression and despair, and of course Christmas begins to go up in many stores as well. America is nothing if not a good corporation ready to sell you cheaply made goods at your weakest moments.

We began our celebration with cookies. I always bring cookies to the old ladies who live in the two houses next to me. Little did I know that bringing cookies today would make me privy to the war that is about to start between the three houses next to each other all because one of the old ladies needs a boyfriend that makes more money than the one she has. Yes it is an awesome story, but it deserves it’s own post, so I will continue on.

I can smell the cookie wonderfulness from here.

Next we went to the center of all that is Halloween, Party City. The aisles were covered in cob webs with “giant happy bad guys” hanging from the ceiling. Why did my daughter think they were happy, I guess I will never know. Creepy kid. We have been talking for weeks about this costume. She looked through the catalog each morning with her breakfast everyday.

Nothing like the morning paper to get your day started.

It was time to commit. The pressure was building. We went to the wall of pictures and found the number of our costume.  The store clerk, who seemed a little old to be working at party city, brought us our magical Alice in Wonderland dress. She squeeled in delight. Did we try it on right then and there. Absolutely. [the old store clerk said we could so there] What was the first thing she said, when she looked down at her dress? Where is the rabbit? A sign that she has watched Alice too many times, or a sign that she can memorize lines and will be a famous actress that buys me a giant mansion because she loves me so much. Only time will tell. I am hoping for the giant mansion. Blogging parties anyone? Bring your own red solo cups.

“It’s a pretty dress”

Wait, you mean there is more to this magical not yet Halloween day? Why, yes there is. A bath with glow sticks to be exact. I know your mind is being blown as we speak. Glow sticks are something I was deprived of as a child. But, not my kid. We shall glow every night if we want to.

“Mommy, it’s dark”

p.s. Our day ended with homemade chicken parmesan made by my wife, who swears when we met she had never cooked, and a raspberry pie, made by yours truly. It’s ok to be a little jealous. I would be. Except I can’t be jealous of myself.

It is that time of year again

It is a rainy saturday afternoon. Playing blocks with a 2 year old. Building castles with doors ( the doors are apparently very important) and knocking them over. Then putting pretzels on our heads and going look I’m a princess.

What this situation really needs, I thought to myself, is Christmas music. It is after all July. (Jesus was really born in July or so they say)

I myself am a fan of the christmas. Ok that is an understatement. I have been pinning christmas DIY crafts for months.

Yet I do not live in a cold state. This means no snow at christmas. No white christmas. No Ice skating ( not the fake ice skating in shorts they do here) I want a turkey for christmas, not alligator.

I put my christmas tree that has rotating LED lights up in my classroom last year on November 1st. I got in trouble with our priest. ( I work at a religious school) Ok, not really in trouble, but he was disappointed. And you know what I simply do not see the problem. One cannot be too festive.

I think that I should be able to listen to my christmas music year round damn it. This is America. So if you see me out in my Christmas sweater this week in the 100 degree weather, some of you may shake your head in shame, but others will cheer!

Christmas everyday !!!

p.s. now my daughter is running around the house going happy christmas everyone! Success!

Fa la la la la la la

It’s november. Which means I have begun celebrating christmas. Controversial I know. But I love love love christmas. So I celebrate for two months. You want to make something of it. Then we can take it outside. I worked with inner city youth in gangs. I can take you out. Bring it.

In celebration of christmas I am going to list my top five christmas stories.

5. The christmas bench: A friend of mine’s in college mother decided that year they did not need a tree so she put out a bench and said put the presents on the bench.

4. The edible tree: In 8th grade we went to my Aunt’s house and instead of decorating the tree with ornaments we made and decorated gingerbread and sugar cookies and hung them all over the tree.

3. My honey used to trick grandma into opening all the christmas presents in the middle of the night and then secretly wrap them up so no one would know.

2. One christmas my parents gave each of us 250 dollars in ones as out only present. They gave us 12 hours to spend the money. If we had any left we had to give it back. We celebrated christmas that early early so all the stores were open. I felt like I was on a game show. Except for the part when I had to explain to the lady at gap why i was giving her 200 dollars in ones.

1. My daughter’s first christmas:  It was awesome. Need I say more?