I’ll take my coffee black please

This year is rapidly coming to a close. Its a time of reflection and anticipation. People reflect on everything they did or didn’t do all year. Swear they will  accomplish those new year’s resolutions next year. I however, do not make new year’s resolutions. Making outlandish goals I will not achieve leaving me to feel crappy. Gee, that sounds fun. No thanks. I only make life goals. I only allow myself three at a time. With only three allowed it keeps me from putting something fair weather on my list. I also do not put any time frame on  my list. I always feel so bad for people who have lists of things they want to do by the time they turn forty and when they miss something on the list they are so depressed they run out and get a hot car and a fast woman. As much fun as a hot car and fast woman sounds. I refuse to regret anything in my life. Thus the three goals. My first three goals in life were to have a child, buy a house, and become a teacher. As you can see I have completed those goals. So I had to make a new list. I wanted this one to be more challenging. I love a good challenge. My new list is to get my Phd, publish a book, learn to drink my coffee black. You are probably thinking the coffee is awfully random. But it is the most important. How can I continue to pull of my super cool hipster image if I continue to drink sugar coated pretend coffee drinks?

 

Image from www.gourmetcoffeeisbetter.com

Risque. Daring. Breaking the Rules.

I have a set of in- laws. Yep. Afraid so. I wish I had listened when people warned me. They kept saying when you get married you will get in laws. Oh but I didn’t want to believe it. I mean how could such a thing be true?

Did I mention I have mormon in laws. Yep. I am not kidding. Seriously. Don’t laugh. This is a serious situation.

They are very generous people. Even gave my one year old a white dress slip ( because mormans wear special slip underwear) Really the religion has special underwear. What would my daughter do without her mormon underwear?

I have already mentioned their thoughts on young children needing karate. Which was again priceless advice. But have I mentioned that now they think I need to be better with my finances. Do they know anything about my finances. No, but they just sense I need help. Yes I do math for a living and I need your help with my money.

I often wonder what they really think of me. I wear two piece bathing suits. Risque. I have tattoos that everyone can see. Even worse. But wait for it ….I drink tea and coffee in front of them. Going to hell. I am not sure why mormons can’t drink caffeine in coffee and tea but can drink mountain dew. I will have to save the question for jesus when I get to heaven.

Maybe I can just write him a letter

 

Dear Jesus,

Hi. How is it going? You  must be busy listening to prayers and forgiving people’s sins. I just have a few questions.

1. Do you really send bad weather to places because they have sinned too much?

2. Which demonination of christianity is the one and only correct one?

3. Can I drink caffeine? And if so which kinds?

4. Is dancing ok?

5. Are people really soulmates?

Say hi to Grandma for me!

Love,

Me