I am attempting to grow a garden. At a wonderful request by Shannon I am going to fill you in with the dramatic tale of what has been happening to my garden. For this story to make any sense you must know where it all began Part One and Part Two.
It was a wonderful time my garden was growing beautifully. Veggies were full of life. And then I went on vacation for a couple of days. It was as though they were just waiting for me to leave. Watching my every move. Yes that is correct, the thug cats in my neighborhood attacked my garden You see I have thug cats in my neighborhood. They run the streets. Not even the pitbulls have survived in the neighborhood, but they survive. I would not go out after dark if I were you. They will cut you. They lay on my car in the morning just daring me to say something to them.
They ate out almost the entire garden. I should have seen it coming. Set up traps while I was gone.
There are times in your life when you can no longer deny who you are.
This week has been one of those weeks for me. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am in fact difficult to live with. I have been in denial for years. I really do not know when I started lying to myself. It was most likely my teenage years. Teenagers are full of secrets, lies, and crazy ass feelings.
You are probably thinking what happened this week to make you come this shocking and life changing decision. Well we had to put the cat on prozac. The vet says she is so stressed out from all of us that is why she has lost her mind.
What is it that I am doing to drive this cat crazy?
So I have come up with some possibilites:
1. My nightly dance parties
2. My wild book club meetings
3. My preference for dogs over cats
4. The room I gave her in the house isn’t big enough
5. The clothes I wear hurt her eyes
It could be anything. I guess I will never know.
But at least for now she is one happy little kitty.
Friday the 13th is quickly approaching. For those of you that are not prepared I have prepared a list of things to look out for so you can remain safe.
1. Wild teenagers- teenagers everywhere will throw caution to the wind and go crazy. (yes I know they always do that, but today will be worse)
2. Werewolves- Ever since vampires have gone mainstream werewolves are everywhere. And no they don’t wear shirts.
3. Ninja cat wars- The thug cats from the block have an epic battle planned against the ninja cats. Just don’t go outside after midnight. You have been warned.
4. Emergency Rooms- Just avoid them at all. Everyone who is at all prone to accidents will be in there. And there will be blood.
5. The braless old woman that walks my neighborhood- She has been training for weeks. Every night walking the block, letting it all hang out. I do not know what she is planning, but I am scared.
*Image from hauntedamericatours.com
The cats are fighting outside my house. This happens from time to time because my neighbor feeds the mean tom cats that bully the local cats. I can’t blame her, how can you let a cat go hungry. But the screams from the fights are unlike any scream I have ever heard. I have never witnessed these fights, but they sound intense. I know it must be scary to be minding your own business in your yard and in walks the thug cat and his thug friends. Trying to take over. I bet they even wear tiny leather jackets and carry knifes. Because those screams definitely mean blood. The fights don’t last long. At least once during the fight the littlest cat gets thrown against my house in a huge thud. If only I had taught my daughter karate then she could save the neighborhood from thug cats. If only.