The Best Part of the Holidays

What is the the best part about big holidays? Is it the wonderful religious ceremonies? Could it be the decorations? Or possibly the copious amounts of holiday food? No, I am afraid not. It is most obviously the forced awkward family gatherings.

For weeks you build up the anticipation. Is she talking to mom? What happened to her relationship with that boy? Did you see Sally’s new haircut? Oh my god… did you hear what John was caught doing last week? You never know how it will play out until the big day arrives. For some watching the big football game is entertainment, but it has got nothing on the your drunk uncle groping his 50 year old girlfriend on the couch.

It is enough entertainment to last you until the next holiday months from now. Some years Christmas is so dramatic it leaves you with stories for years to come.

And what would life be without good stories to tell over a drink with your friends?

So friends grab a drink and share your stories with me.

I meant to say that

I find that in life I often find myself in awkward situations. Depending on how unprepared I am, finding a comeback is often difficult. I absolutely hate when after everyone has left I finally come up with the perfect response. Then I find myself practicing what I should have said over and over in my mind. Even though I know darn well the likelihood of a similar situation coming up and me being able to use the clever phrase will never happen.

So I have decided to leave a few of my best “things to say in awkward moments”

1. The nurse asking you when you last had sex in front of your dad moment

-start crying

2. Your student telling you that you look way too innocent to be pregnant moment

– Smile, ignore, and pretend it never happened

3. The someone says something crazy political thinking you agree moment

-Doesn’t that just show how amazing it is that God loves everyone?

4. The something is so stupid it takes your breath away moment

– you know I never thought of it that way

5. The someone says something hurtful moment

-I know you may not have meant that to be disrespectful, but I would appreciate it if you would not talk to me in that manner.

Always remember a poker face is key in all responses. One must fully commit and never look back.

– yes these have all happened to me-

*image from photo bucket*

My dad is cooler than yours

Growing up my dad always kept lots of pictures of our family everywhere. But in his bathroom he would hang up pictures of my mom in her swimsuit. A little odd, but as I kid I just ignored it. Flash forward to senior year of high school. A young girl anxiously awaiting her college letters racing home every afternoon to check the mail.

And that is where is all goes wrong.

In the mail on that sunny afternoon was not a college letter, but photos that had been sent off to be developed. (That should had told me everything) I open the photos all excited because who doesn’t love photos? And what do I find? Nude photos of my mom. It was too late to pretend I had not seen them because I could not re-close the plastic packaging they came in. When my mother came home it led to quite the awkward conversation.

Was this the most awkward moment I have had with my dad and his love for photos? No. Because now my dad is remarried. To the most amazing woman. He could not have picked a better spouse. But when I walked into his house and saw a completely covered but obviously no clothes pic of her I began reliving the moment all over again.

Good thing he put the pic of facebook.

Yes my dad is living the life you wish you were.

 

if you like embarassing parent stories check out the waiting’s recent post here