The first rule of fight club…

Continuing in my series on the inner workings of working with urban youth. First installation was about crazy mamas. Second was pregnant teens.

Today we are going to reminisce the fights. Now the best fights are so full of emotion, they lack any reason. Because when does a fight actually have a logical reasoning behind it?

 

1. First day of school. A group of girls had just started high school. They decided they needed to make their presence known. Four of them jumped a junior on the way to the busses. As the entire school walked past them. When the cops arrived, they knew them by name. You are only cool if the cops know you by 14.

2. Their was a couple that had been dating for years. The young man liked to beat up on the girl. Many interventions could not seperate them. That is until he went nuts thinking she wanted to date someone else and bit a hole in her face.

3. A good fight involves family. Because everyone knows a family that fights together, stays together. As soon as word gets to you that a fight is happening get out of the way because anyone that is family will get up and run to the fight. Don’t bother trying to stop them.

4. The best fighters are girls. Girls who are professional boxers. One everyone is scared shitless of them. Two they can flatten anyone in their path. Don’t remember why, but the boxer came to up to the busses and laid into a girl she went down in one hit. the punches continued and she ended up in the hospital. She had gone down directly onto a rock.

 

* picture from jennyhansenauthor.wordpress.com

 

What they are really trying to do

If you are having a down morning and you really need a pick me up, turn on some talk radio. I do not know how I came across this station, but there I was. They were discussing the upcoming attempt to ban cell phone use while driving. (Yes they were completely serious) It went like this:

“The national government is trying to take over the local government.”

“Yeah like that time they told everyone in order to get any national money you had to put a muslim temple in your town”

“They want to control everything we do!”

“Yeah why do they all of a sudden care about our safety they never have before”

“Well isnt it obvious, its a trojan horse. Today they will ban cell phones but what they really want to do is say it is dangerous to listen to talk radio in your car. And next thing you know they will make the radio illegal. That’s what they really want.”

“You are so right!”

 

 

*image from google images*

The call from the open road

The open road calls to my daughter. It quietly whispers to her soul as the breeze dances through her hair. She can sense a door opening in a ten-mile radius and heads straight for the road. Piles of leaves to jump in, who cares. Chalk to draw with, lame. The open road, magnificent. This is not the kind of call from a car on the open road. She detests cars. If you are a runner you know the call of which I speak.

Stepping out onto the open road a calm surrounds you. Time slows down. Sounds disappear into the distance. There is a calm that comes from wide open spaces.

of course that is until you start running.

 

 

*photo from jwblogisticsandtrucking.com

13 and Pregnant

Second Edition of Crazy School Stories:  no names have been used to protect privacy:) 

The 13 and pregnant edition 

See the first edition crazy mama’s here

1. My first year teaching I had a freshman class. My first student to get pregnant was in this class. She had gotten pregnant that summer. She was 13.

2. That same year another one of my students pretended to be pregnant because her boyfriend broke up with her. He found out she had lied. They got into a big fight in front of my room. He yelled at her “I wish you had been pregnant, I could have killed you and the baby”

3. A couple years later a found out that one of my students hid a pregnancy and gave the baby to her aunt to raise as her own. The next year she got pregnant with twins she was a senior that year.

4. One student became pregnant for her father. He was arrested. She went crazy because she was in love with him. They “forced” her to get an abortion.

5. One student had to be sent to another school because even though she was pregnant she kept getting into very serious fights. They were afraid for the baby, well the school was, not the people she fought.

6. All in all I have taught ten pregnant teenagers so far. That does not include the boys who had kids because they could hide that. This is only my fourth year teaching. That abstinence only training is working!

 

 

 

 

Battle of Epic Proportions

I was in an epic battle today.

Toe to Toe, man to man. Two would enter one would leave.

It all started at lunch. All the good fights start at lunch. Here I was minding my own business. Picking up my BBQ Pork sliders, corn on the cob, and sweet tea. Smiling politely at the parents serving lunch. waving to the other teachers, and it happened.

I was attacked by a killer door. It was huge seven maybe eight feet tall. Built like a brick house. All I wanted to do was pass by. Simple enough. But no. He was pissed. How dare I take my lunch out of the room and through him. But did he confront me, no. He waited until I was almost out, the sun shining through my tea, and he struck! It was  a low blow. Caught my ankle. Oh and he caught it good. Cut deep, blood flowing across the pale stone sidewalk. But he underestimated me. I am built Ford tough. So he drew first blood, But did it stop me. No. I made it out with everything in tact. I got the last laugh.

Door- Zero

Me- One

 

Angry Chinese food.

I stumbled across a website I used to read when I was in college Text from last night. It is where people anonymously put texts they have recieved from other people. It is disgusting, crude, and far too funny to turn away. Basically drunken youth acting like idiots because they can. The older I get the less funny it gets. I imagine at some point I will no longer find it funny at all. Which will be the even more official I am a grown up sign posted on my forehead. I mean I already spend all day telling teenagers to stop touching and turn down their loud music. How much more grown up can I get?

Which made me think of a time my friends locked themselves out of their room after they ordered chinese food in college. They totally forgot they had ordered the food and had left their phone in their room. Oh but the food  was delivered. The Delivery guy kept calling and calling expecting them to pick up and pay for their food. They saved the messages and posted them online. Not only was the delivery guy pissed but  he was gonna get revenge! Angry Chinese Delivery

Which is why I always get take out.

Vampire Babies

 

My daughter loves to eat crayons.Especially the red ones. So that when it drools out it looks as though she is a vampire baby that just fed. The blood red crayons stick to every nook and crevice in her teeth. I often wonder if maybe she is really an alien baby as my dad has been suggesting all along.

I have long been afraid of the day she climbs out of her crib out of her room and I wake with her staring at me. Now I worried she will be there staring at me with blood dripping down her lips.

I have had many conversations with her about not eating crayons. She just laughs. Yes I know conversations with a one and half year old are often futile, what can I say I enjoy a challenge.

I wish I could do what I love with same abandon. Laugh when everyone told me over and over why it was wrong. Not even skipping a beat. As though it did not matter, I loved it and that was all I knew.

Sometimes in life you just have to eat crayons.

 

yeah that just happened

 

Time for my super important Sunday advice:

1. Be careful what you title your blog. I have a blog titled Old Ladies gone wild. In which I discuss being very outspoken as I get older.  At least once a week I get a hit from someone searching old ladies doing it on google. Dead serious. I guess you could say hey someone is reading your blog, but do I really one someone who is watching old ladies doing it porn reading my blog. Not really.

2. Be careful what you say to teenage boys. I once said that is what she said to a 14 year old not even thinking about what it really means. OMG they could not stop laughing. I had to be like thats not what I meant, but it didn’t matter at that point. too late.

 

What sunday advice do you have ?

 

 

 

Robots, Lunch, and Obama

I have a sign on  my classroom door it reads:

NO YOU CANNOT GO TO LUNCH EARLY

-backstory- the 4th grade eats lunch right before the high school. So if the kids are let out of class early they scare the 4th graders from going back for seconds. Thus we are not supposed to let them out early. They ask me everyday at least ten times a day if they can go to lunch early. Especially on Brunch for lunch day. So I put up a sign in an attempt to end the asking.

My seniors and I play jokes on eachother. They leave comments on tests “This bear will be sad if all these problems are wrong” I comment back “the bear is crying”. They draw on tests “usually robots”, I give their drawings thought bubbles “man I love justin beiber.” Sometimes they even add questions to the test for me to answer.

 

So they just had to add something to my sign. They printed out an Obama campaign sign  that said yes we can and put it under my lunch sign. Which now reads:

NO YOU CANNOT GO TO LUNCH EARLY

YES WE CAN!