How many licks does it take?


News update:

Parents are buying lollipops that kids with chicken pox have licked.

One: Seriously!!??

Two: People are out of their mind

Three: Seriously!!??

Enter South Park Story: One of the older children gets chicken pox and the doctors are convinced she is going to die, so they think they should get all the kids to have chicken pox while they are young. They make everyone sleep over at kenny’s house while he is sick. Comedy ensues.

So you want to be just like the parents on south park. You model your decisions on them I see. Well they let their cartman kill a kid’s parents cook them make them into chili and then feed it to that same kid. You gonna do that too?

But in all seriousness, why would you buy a lollipop on the internet that someone else licked. Who to say that is really what happened to it. Maybe someone with herpes licked the lollipop and you are giving it to your child. Or maybe someone let their dog lick it. Or maybe no one licked it at all.

Maybe I ought to get on this band wagon. Maybe I can sell stepped on brownies. Or cookies filled with snot. ooohh I could sell gum already been chewed by people with the flu. Market it as the alternative to the flu shot. Why get a scary harmful shot when you can just chew gum?

The world has gone mad next they are going to tell me that you can teach a baby to read with only a few videos and 5 easy payments.

The dark side of Christmas

Crappy Presents. Which means one thing layaway is back. Awesome. Now I can spend money every week on shit I don’t need from Walmart. Maybe I shouldn’t do presents this year. After all Christmas is not about the presents. Its about the music duh. Which is why I have convinced a group of people to go caroling with me. No I have never actually seen real carolers nor have I ever been caroling. But if I can’t have snow  then damn it I will have music. But what is music without hot chocolate and christmas cookies or and a tree. Can’t have a tree without presents. And now I’m back at walmart buying stupid shit no one needs. crap. If only we could find a way to defeat the walmart. Then we would all be free from crappy presents.

Which brings me to south park. A walmart goes into town. The people become crazed shopping at all hours buying things they don’t need because they were such a good price. The kids try and fight the walmart by killing its heart. Every where they turn people tell them it can’t be done. They get to the heart only to find that it is a mirror. The heart of walmart is its shoppers.

So if I can blame the success of walmart on its shoppers. Who can I blame for what the shoppers wear or rather don’t wear while at the store?

Does my ego look big in these pants?

Have you ever met someone that knows everything there is to know. Not only that but they are never wrong. Ever. yeah I know you have. Hopefully you aren’t married to them.

My coworker is one such person. Who apparently thinks I do not know how air conditioning works. As I was informed that the whole buildings a/c turns to heat at a certain temp outside. When I said that was odd, because my a/c was still on. She informed me I was wrong. That it must be the fan blowing on me. Oh thank goodness. Here I was thinking that the ice cold air blowing out of my vents that was bringing the temperature down was air conditioning. Thank goodness she was there to explain it to me. If she could just tell me where babies come from.

Now if she would listen to me I could tell her that my room has a seperate a/c unit due to building codes at the time the building was built. However, that would require listening to someone else’s idea and considering their thoughts to be of value.

Which of course brings me to an episode of south park. The fish stick episode. Kanye West does not understand the joke, and since he is the smartest man that has ever existed he won’t let anyone explain it to him. So by the end of the episode he has decided he must be a gay fish since he likes to eat fish sticks. Say it out loud and you will get the joke.

By the way.. Do you like fish sticks?

South Park life lesson # 2

The political season continues. Debates going on people smack talking left and right. Protests popping up from city to city. And the ever annoying facebook posts about said political happenings.

I can’t help but laugh at all of them. Oh they are all so convinced they are right. That they have such different moral and life values from each other. Oh and the world is ending as we know it.

But its not ending. And I hate to break it to you, but most everyone lives the same damn boring life. We get married at least once, have a kid or two, have bills we don’t like paying, and a job we like somedays and hate other days. Yes we disagree on a few issues, but nothing that is really end of the world. Oh but don’t tell that to the news anchors. Their little heads might explode.

The problem is if we all sit down and compromise, well there is no money in that. The money to be made is on grid lock and news stories and fear. I often wonder why people don’t see that they are being manipulated into fear to spend money the way they want you to. To hate the people they want you to hate. But they can’t see the forest for the trees.

Of course this is best explained with south park. Stan realizes the world is all shit. The music, the movies, the food. It’s all stupid shit. Not important. But no one else notices. They just keep living in their “reality” He finally realizes sometimes you have to take a left turn, start new, and let go of what you have been holding on to in life and begin anew. Of course no one in town lets him do that and to get through the day he begins to drink whisky everyday. Which of course is what many of our youth are doing.

Change can be great. Learning to let go of your past ideas of what life should be and embraces the wonderful life you have. Of course no one listens to little ol’ me. What do I know.

Vote or die

Every Four years something bad happens. It is so bad it frightens me to speak its name. Political season. I hope no one heard me.

Men and Women get on tv and say I love this country, but everything has gone to hell and I am the only one who fix it. Just like your mother says to you when you are 30 and unmarried in the south. I love you honey but your life has gone to hell and I am we are going to have to fix it before its too late and no one will marry you.

Then people ask them questions about how they plan to do fix us because at this point they have bought into this whole our country sucks bit. One would think they would have elaborate plans in detail to describe. Boy did they fool you. They answer quite passively by never actually answering the question. Yet people buy into it. I mean really buy into it. Going on and on about how well they debated and who won. Seriously someone won that? All I saw was a bunch of people on stage grunting. Ah to be that niave. That would be a nice simple life wouldn’t it.

Which  brings me to a place where I get many of my life lessons from South Park. I mean who doesnt. The vote or die episode. Classic. Stan refuses to vote for the new school mascot. It was between a douchebag and a turd sandwhich. Literally. So they kick him out of the town and send him to the woods to die. His family cant even look at him, how could he not take this seriously they were so ashamed.

There have been many great things accomplished by politicians dont get me wrong. But when it comes down to it, how many really were just a bunch of douchebags?