Favorite Posts From This Year #2

Now this post, was my very first freshly pressed post. Later I will post my even more popular second freshly pressed post. I hope you enjoy it as much as wordpress did.

Let’s Be Friends… Wait Nevermind

Why I will never be popular.

1. I am too sarcastic. Sure certain men enjoy a sarcastic woman. The same kind of man that gets turned on by a girl being mean as hell to them. You know who you are. But everyone else, they find it funny if they understand it. Don’t under any circumstances be sarcastic with someone who is stupid. They get super angry and bitter.

2. I am confrontational. If someone hurts my feelings, or says something that is simply hateful I just can’t not say anything. Yes I am that person that says what everyone is thinking but won’t say it. Especially in those awful work meetings. Yes I have made presenters cry. She had it coming.

3. I am too blunt. This goes hand in hand with number two. I simply do not understand why people are not simply honest all of the time. What is the point of lying, and making things up? I will never understand why someone would ever lie about anything ever.

4. I am an introvert. Now introverts are largely misunderstood group of people. It does not mean I do not enjoy the company of others, it simply means social occasions drain me emotionally and physically. I can only handle so much before I hit empty and need to recharge.

5. My awesomeness. I am so awesome it is threatening to many people. My awesomeness fills up a room. How do I know I am that awesome? Ask around. Everyone says so.

My First Blogiversary

I  have officially been blogging for a year!

I cannot believe that I am just as excited about it now as I was when I started. I have over 72,000 views, 258 posts, and 1, 395 followers. I even was graced with being freshly pressed twice! It still amazes me that anyone would want to read my silly thoughts on life.

I want to say thank you to all of my followers, especially those that have been with me since the very first month. Many of you I feel like I actually know you in the real world and not just cyber space. You have been so kind an encouraging. It gives me hope that the world can find its way back to a kinder more caring place one day. But who I am kidding that is probably never going to happen.

So many things can happen in a year. The bloggess started following me on twitter. Another hurricane hit. My daughter turned 2. My sister had a baby. Obama became the first president to acknowledge that I deserve full rights as an American. Miley Cyrus time travelled back to 1990. The 82 year old lady next door’s boyfriend said sexual things to her in front of me. How can this year even be topped?

Next year I plan to follow through with my goal of drinking black hipster coffee every morning. I am going to get in shape so I look like Kate Hudson in the season premier of Glee. My mother will visit for two full weeks and maybe even see me more than once. I will continue my search for a new city and perhaps even find one. I will start doing yoga again. But mostly, I will keep talking with y’all.

Peace and Love,

NeverContrary

free printable thank you notes from http://www.junelily.com

I just met you and this is crazy, but tell me about yourself maybe

Oh hello saturday, how are you doing?

I am sure you are thinking that I have the most exciting weekends imaginable, and you would be right. This saturday did not dissapoint.

I started by going to meet my Thesis advisor at our local beignet place. If you have never been down to good ol’ Louisiana we eat the most delicious breakfast and coffee ever, Beignets and Cafe au lait. And on a saturday morning everyone is clad in their game day gold and purple.

I totally forgot to take a pic. So, I borrowed this one from http://www.insideec.com

I like to get there early as the line is long and I want to have my beignets for our meeting. As soon as I got in line and elderly gentlemen got in line directly behind me. And that is when shit got real. He saw my notebook and asked if I was stuyding. I said yes I was. He the proceeded to tell me how he had spent many a years mentoring students at this coffee place. All of his daughters had gone through grad school and so had his wife. His wife graduated when she was 20, then she took a job teaching english to seniors in high school and after one year thought that was enough. She then worked for the welfare office until we started having kids. We had three kids in a five year time span. After that she went back to school for elementary education and taught kindergarten for many years. When, her friends told her the counselor was retiring and she had two years to get a masters in counseling so she could take the job. So, she went back to school and has been a counselor ever since. One of my daughters is also a counselor. See I’m in line to get her beignets to go. She called asked where I was and I said Coffee Call of course. She was excited and asked me to bring some to her. So, thats what I’m doing. Then, I have to go to walmart to get her some boxes for her office. They are remodeling their house over in (fancy neighborhood). They are adding 1000 square feet and doubling the size of the kitchen. I have done lots of remodeling so I know what it is like to live off a microwave in the bathroom. I wouldn’t normally be bringing her beignets, but she just got an embryo implanted yesterday and has to lay down all day. At this point I am like is he serious? He just continues on. It has been so difficult for them, and so hard to watch. And these treatments are so expensive. She is lucky she is married to a lawyer, but they have family money from both sides too. I opened a trust for her when she was so little, and her husband’s grandfather died recently and I think that is where they got the money for the renovations. Of course I don’t really know…..

He continues and finally ends with well I am here every saturday I will probably see you here again.

I finally make it to my seat and my advisor shows up. He thinks the line is too long so he is going to wait before getting coffee, which means he is going to show me pictures of his cat he took this morning. The cat named patea. He got patea two years ago from a cat adoption agency and they named her claudia, but then it turned into catea which morphed into patea, but patea is a nice name.

At this point I think I have stepped into an alternate universe where people start telling you all about their lives. Did I miss the memo? Am I supposed to be doing this now?

The bigger questions is, when I am old will I do this to random strangers? I shudder at the thought of discussing my most personal moments with random strangers who with then be so shocked they run home to write about it and I will be famous. On second thought, maybe I should start doing this now so I can become famous faster.

Tactless friends make the best friends

There have been so many high points to Hurricane Isaac, where do I start? The best moment may have been when Romney came and asked our governor where all the water came from? The sky, the rivers, or the ocean. Really people? Or maybe it was when Jindal got upset that Obama wasn’t giving the state enough government assistance? Yes, the man who thinks the government should never give assistance said that. No, none of those quite make my top number one spot. It had to have been a conversation with my good friend F over text.

The following is a friend  of mine F recalling over text a conversation we had  3 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. It took place at a king cake party. [For those of you not from Louisiana, that is when you get a king cake from each of the bakeries claiming to make the best and everyone eats them all. Pretty wicked party] Names have not been included to protect the awesomeness of my friend’s  private lives. They are wild people.

Scene: Nevercontrary (NC) is sipping a non alcoholic beverage in the dining room F notices the panel of stretchy fabric atop NC’s jeans. NC starts talking about “the baby” to someone (probably H or T).

F is confused and turned to M and says ” Is NC pregnant?”

M: Yes

F: Did she start dating  boys?

M: No

F: Where did the baby come from?

M: I don’t know (sarcastically) why don’t you ask her.

F: Hey NC, are you pregnant?

NC: Yeah, Laura didn’t tell you?

M: NO F! DON’T

F: Did you start dating boys?

NC: (clearly annoyed) No.

L: F! M says you need to come in the kitchen right now!!!!

F: So where did the baby come from?

NC: FROM GOD!!! ( gives intense bitch face)

F: Well Duh!

End Scene.

Obviously the best thing to do during a hurricane is to remember hilarious times with friends.

*Side note, it turned out to be a hurricane and not a zombie attack. Yes, I was disappointed too*

Be gone with you summer, I said be gone.

It is 90 degrees outside (feels like 99), and yet I am inside in sweats and under two fleece blankets with the a/c blasting.  There is most obviously something wrong with me.

Maybe it is my deep inner need to relieve my childhood winters in Minnesota?

Oh how I miss the snow.

http://www.davrodigital.co.uk

 

The ice skating at recess, the throwing boiling water into the air and watching it fall down as snow, the sledding, the snow ball fights…

One day I will live somewhere where it snows. There is nothing quite like the first snow of the season. You look up as all the frozen crystals fall around you as though you walked into a life size snow globe. As each tiny flakes lands gracefully on your face and melts into the warmth of your skin, you know a magical time of year has arrived. There is something in winter that simply is not in the other seasons. Sure, they have their value. But, winter transforms the world into a magical place of endless possibilities.

 

p.s. don’t eat the yellow snow.

All in the name of a good time

That awkward moment when you realize you work in the lame department at work.

I came to find out that the middle school teachers at my school are the cool kids I wish I was hanging out with.

They go out on friday nights,  they play practical jokes on each other all the time, and have stories that start with “we were out drinking.”

I know I give off the coolest kid in school vibe, but alas, I am not. Sure being the token lesbian gets me a base cool factor, but it is not enough to overcome the fact that I was a token white kid in the asian video game club. No I was not nerdy enough to play the games, just a groupie to the gamers. Even went to nerd  college. Although, I did have some good times in college.

It was raining and I decided what would be a good idea would be to get the fraternity brothers to have a mud fight in the rain in the big muddy pit left from the road construction. Which was much a better idea than the time I decided to mud wrestle someone in the YMCA parking lot, while I was on the clock and still in my lifeguard uniform, in high school.  Once the epic fight was over we decided to run to the fountains in the quad to rinse off the mud. As we run through campus we passed a bunch of freshman going to orientation, who preceded to tell us what diseases we would get from running barefoot in the rain. I yelled back “this is the most fun you will see anyone having here during your five years here.” And we then used dish soap to wash all the mud off.

Even nerds can get crazy sometimes.

 

Oh the places I have been.

A few weeks ago I posted about the wonderful places I wish to explore here.

 

This week I thought I would post about the wonderful places I have been.

 

1. The most haunted house in America. In St. Francisville, La there is a an old plantation, The Myrtles, said to be the most haunted house in America. I have been quite a few times in an attempt to meet some ghosts. I have yet to see any, but I do almost faint every time I walk into one of the rooms in the house. Seriously.

deadly house are sexy

 

2. The Swiss Alps. For those of you outdoorsy, hikers, this is it. The most amazing place you will every visit. There are herds of cows. Each one with a different bell. There is nothing but silence and then the faint sound of the bells blowing on the wind. The cold water flows down from the snowy peaks to remind you that it is possible to be pure.

Oh my! It's me! Hello!

 

3. San Fransisco. More specifically, the windiest road. Could it get any better? No. Never.

image from ubranlandscape tumblr

 

4. Seattle Washington. Yet another place with amazingly breathtaking outdoor hikes. In case you did not notice, I love to hike. The difference is in Seattle you can smell the coffee wafting on the air as you watch the sun set over puget sound. Even on its rainiest days it far outshines most others.

image from http://www.burienwa.gov

 

5. Paris, France. I went in highschool, and it rocked my world. The food, the history, the beauty. Oh that I could live in Paris and walk down the river on a warm spring day.

image from wikipedia

 

Your local grocery store is a death trap

Grocery stores are a death trap full of loose women and fast talking men. I casually walk into my local Winn Dixie. Yes, they are still hoping that the south wins the war. I think no one told them it is over and they lost. I am doing my weekly grocery shopping. I usually do not shop on friday afternoon, but as I am on my spring break, I thought what the hell do something crazy.

Image from http://blogs.trb.com/

And then it all goes down hill. I need spaghetti sauce. To make spaghetti, obviously. As I look over all of the options, I spot a new brand on the top shelf. I can barely control myself. I love trying new things especially ones that are just out of my reach. I am standing on the tip of my toes. The sauce is two jars stacked on top of each other. I know this will end badly, but I just can’t stop myself. I get one jar and two fall off. I am certain they will shatter as they hit the floor, but luckily they land on my foot, and roll on the ground.

The manager runs over to see if I need help. Sure, now that I have been attacked by your sauce you want to help me. Then two young gentlemen decide I am in need of their assistance as well, telling each other they better watch out I am dangerous. This is why you can’t forget your wedding bands when you go to the store.

I limp away from the sauce aisle. Hoping and praying I didn’t break anything. And every aisle there they are telling me oh its the dangerous girl. Yes, me and my jean shorts are dangerous. You better watch out I eat pain for breakfast.

Naturally, I tell them I am on Spring Break and it is about to get crazy up in here.

My dad is cooler than yours

Growing up my dad always kept lots of pictures of our family everywhere. But in his bathroom he would hang up pictures of my mom in her swimsuit. A little odd, but as I kid I just ignored it. Flash forward to senior year of high school. A young girl anxiously awaiting her college letters racing home every afternoon to check the mail.

And that is where is all goes wrong.

In the mail on that sunny afternoon was not a college letter, but photos that had been sent off to be developed. (That should had told me everything) I open the photos all excited because who doesn’t love photos? And what do I find? Nude photos of my mom. It was too late to pretend I had not seen them because I could not re-close the plastic packaging they came in. When my mother came home it led to quite the awkward conversation.

Was this the most awkward moment I have had with my dad and his love for photos? No. Because now my dad is remarried. To the most amazing woman. He could not have picked a better spouse. But when I walked into his house and saw a completely covered but obviously no clothes pic of her I began reliving the moment all over again.

Good thing he put the pic of facebook.

Yes my dad is living the life you wish you were.

 

if you like embarassing parent stories check out the waiting’s recent post here

Speechless

So as I was reading the news a while back about woman getting kicked off a plane for giving her girlfriend a kiss. The airline said that they did not tolerate anyone kissing or doing anything else sexual on their planes. I find that odd since I that is not what I have seen on planes.

Enter my story:

I was flying back from my honeymoon. I was not kissing or touching on anyone. The couple in front of me, however, was another story. They started out taking shots of tequila. They got up to ten. They then proceed to both get up and go into the same bathroom. And not the one in the back of the plane with everyone facing the other way. They went to the front so everyone could see. They came back and the guy put his coat over the girl. To cover her from view. They were too drunk to think about the fact that you could still see through the seats from behind them. He proceeds to have sex with her right there in the seats. No lie. We could see it all. Not a single airline staff member said anything to them. And they were sitting in a row of three. As in there was some poor random guy having to sit next to this. I didn’t think much could shock me anymore, but damn that tops it. I was traumatized for days.

Now I am sure I could have said something to them or to the staff, but I was in such a state of disbelief I could not utter a word.