To be or not to be… out that is…

In one week I start teaching at a new school. I am going  back to working in public school.

Every year teachers are frantic setting up bulletin boards, prepping lessons, and worrying about whether or not they will get the crazy students this year all in one class.

 

But not me.

 

I am distraught over what to tell my students about my wife.

In Louisiana it is legal to fire someone for being gay. Especially if they work with impressionable youth. My school is progressive, they have a gay straight alliance. And the GSA even has a bulletin board on a main hallway in school. But, that is not the same as an adult teaching children it gets better.

 

I could ask my principal what she wants me to say, but last time I asked that, I was fired.

 

I could just do my usual and use words like ‘they’ when they students ask about my husband, and simply not correct them. But, when I do that I feel like I am doing the young gay kids in my class an injustice. I am standing there telling them they should have to hide who they are because it might make someone uncomfortable. Which is not right.

I could correct them when they ask about my husband. But, if I do that do I use the word partner or wife? I use the term wife because we are married, and I personally feel partner is a second class separate but equal term. But, in god’s country, people may not take kindly to me using the word wife. Because didn’t you know that using the word wife means you are shoving your ‘lifestyle’ in everyone’s faces?

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just go to work?

Wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to worry that a moral lynch mob was going to come after my job simply because I am married?

Maybe If I were butch, the kids would assume I was gay and not ask me about my husband?

I wish I didn’t work with kids sometimes, but honestly, I am a fantastic teacher. Why should the kids miss out on a great teacher, and why should I have to change careers because a preacher can’t be bothered to read his bible?

Or maybe one day, it won’t matter that I’m gay.

 

 

Maybe one day I will convince a school to do an it gets better video?

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Have you met God today?

image from keturahweathers.theworldrace.org

image from keturahweathers.theworldrace.org

I find myself laying awake after yet another family gathering has left me reminded of the gaping hole in my life family and friends have left.

I have been out of the closet for 7 years. Yet, the lack of support is like a fresh wound that will never heal.

My friends and family fall into three categories.

1. The amazing friends and family who not only understand the civil rights battle I am against, and actively work to change it everyday.

2. The acquaintances who call themselves my friends, and say in word how it is awful the way gay people are treated, but not only do nothing about it. They support, the groups and people doing me harm.

3. The people who not only support the groups and people doing me harm, but then compare me being gay to adultry or alcoholism. And that I am being selfish by wanting to be able to do the same things they get to do with their life.

Sure it is easy to say that you can’t control what people think/believe/do, but does that make it hurt any less? How long do you look at their face before the pain becomes to much to bear?

Do you say something or just let it go? Knowing in the back of your mind they will always be out there, actively making sure you are not a legal citizen in your own country, that you have to live in fear everyday. And that they don’t care what you are going through because we all have struggles, so that makes all injustice in the world ok.

Some days I am able to focus on my inner peace and let it all wash away. Others I’m left sleepless tormented by the pain.

The worst thing I can let happen is the anger eat at me. I do not want to become bitter, and angry. How do you let go of the pain when it clings to you so deeply? It is as if the pain knows that it will die if you can find a way to get rid of it, so it hides in places inside you, hoping you won’t notice it.

Please don’t let my pain keep you from eating your chick fil a, or sending money to uganda to help them pass their kill the gay bill, or to church ministries that use shock therapy to cure gays. But, do know that one day you will meet God, and I am quite certain it will not be the meeting you expect it to be.

Until then, I am going to remain strong, live my life, and surround myself with truly compassionate people, who want this world to be a better place.

Making a gaybie the 3rd trimester

I have officially entered the pee every hour 24 hours a day point in my pregnancy. Exciting I know. I think I may start peeing on myself any day. Maybe I should buy some depends. Am I too young for depends? Nah. I am sure they come in sexy colors. Everything comes in sexy colors these days.

I meet with my doula pretty often at this point in the pregnancy.  I am very nervous about going natural, but I feel very good about the decision at the same time. Not sure if I will post my birth story here or not. I don’t really care for reading peoples birth stories unless it is someone I personally know, so I figure none of you want to read mine.

My hormones are raging at this point. My poor wife has to deal with the most of it, and then every time my dad talks to me I start crying, so he has started freaking out.

The best and worse part of the third trimester is the belly. The belly is finally big enough that you look pregnant to everyone, yet at the same time the belly is getting very uncomfortable. What I learned was with each pregnancy you get more and more uncomfortable throughout the whole process. Of course no one told me this before hand. Can’t break the motherhood rules.

The realness of the pregnancy truly sinks in as time runs at light speed toward your due date yet at the same time moves slower than humanly possibly. For me this causes severe nesting. I woke up one morning panic stricken that we needed to have everything ready right then for the baby. Of course it took us weeks to get everything ready, so I was a mess for weeks. Or maybe I was just getting super hormonal. Of course smack dab in the middle of the third trimester christmas fell and was beyond dramatic, but that story is for another day. What would one of my pregnancies be without a epic dramatic christmas?

Each time I looked down at my little belly I would wonder, is this the last time I’m going to be pregnant?

39 weeks and hitting up the mardi gras parades :)

39 weeks and hitting up the mardi gras parades 🙂

 

For your pleasure the funniest moment of this pregnancy:

Scene: Me 8 months pregnant and in line at walmart in front of two college girls.

Girls: (while looking at the tabloids) Wow look how beautiful Kesha is. Oh look at Kourtney Kardashian’s pregnant belly. I could never be pregnant. I mean look how big your bely gets. You just look down and there it is.

Me: You’re right it’s awful

Girls: (embarassed) OH we didn’t mean you, we meant the magazines

Me: (laughs at their embarassment and stupidity)

 

My beautiful bouncing girl made her debut on her due date after 12 hours of all natural labor 🙂

We are now a family of four Oh My!

p.s. I never peed on myself. Yay!

Making A Gaybie The Second Trimester

Sexy belly shadow

Sexy belly shadow

The second trimester is when you find out if you are having a boy or a girl. Many people are uncomfortable with lesbians having boys. You can tell this by when they say oh thank goodness you are having a girl since the baby won’t have a father. That would just ruin a boy not having a father. To which you throw glitter on them ( gays always keep emergency glitter) and walk away. Not really, usually I just grimace and make note to never speak to them again.

I was quite nervous waiting to find out if it was a boy or a girl. I have a sister and really wanted my daughter to experience life with a sister. But, at the same time would be remiss if I did not get the experience of having a son. But, luckily this was out of my hands.

And guess what folks, a beautiful bouncing girl. Now, do I believe the ultrasound. Of course not. Would I be my skeptical self, If I believed them that I was having a girl without a second ultrasound to back it up? So, I am going to paint the room yellow, just in case they were wrong and not open any  pink presents until the second ultrasound at the end of the pregnancy says girl too. A little overboard, maybe, but hey I’m pregnant. Isn’t that just the best excuse for all of your normal crazy. Oh sorry, I’m just pregnant and hormonal I can’t help it. Hahahaha I can help it, but why waste a good opportunity to say and do all the crazy things you think about regularly with no repercussions?

The second trimester is supposed to be the best time in the pregnancy. You should have more energy and stop feeling sick. I did stop puking and had more energy, but I still did not feel like a pregnant superhero or anything fabulous. Or maybe I was a pregnant superhero stopping crimes of injustice against pregnant women everywhere. You can’t prove I wasn’t. 😉

I don’t have any funny stories or silly songs for this middle part of my pregnancy. I spent all of my time writing a semesters worth of lesson plans, tests, answer keys and power points for my maternity sub. To later have my department give me nasty looks when I went on leave. Because obviously me having a baby was a huge inconvenience to them. Didn’t I know you were supposed to be rich like them and stay at home with your children and not burden the work force with your absence. Gee why didn’t I think of that. When I finished that I had to meet with my advisor to make edits on my thesis because why just have a baby when you can have a baby, and finish you last semester of grad school at the same time. Gotta make life challenging folks or what is there?

My advisor is hilarious. Here is a sample of some of our meetings

1- You want to see pictures of my cat this morning? Me- sure ( thinking is he serious?) He then proceeds to spend a half an hour showing me pictures of his cat on his phone and tells me the story of how she got her name.

2- We are at a dinner party, as I work with his wife so we see each other at a myriad of social functions. He sits down turns to his wife and goes we need to get cocoa puffs on the way home. I haven’t had them in like ten years. She gives him this look of thanks for being embarrassing.

3- When discussing the baby coming. You should bring your baby to school everyday. We are a family and you should be able to bring you kids to class with you. Me- I don’t think the others in the program will like that. Him- oh we will find a little room for you and the other moms. It will be so much fun!

 

p.s. Where are my mom jeans? I thought the government sent you mom jeans, a van, and made you get a hair cut as soon as you popped the second kid out? Maybe they will come next week?

 

Part one of this series:

making a gaybie the first trimester

 

 

Making A Gaybie- The First Trimester

Well bloggers I have been keeping a fairly large secret from you. The past nine months I have been pregnant. Perhaps you had a few inklings when my blog started to smell like puke, or maybe it was the hormonal rants that tipped you off, but I have been indeed incubating a little girl.

Ok so this isn't the 1st trimester- it's 36 weeks, but who wants to see a flat tummy

Ok so this isn’t the 1st trimester- it’s 36 weeks, but who wants to see a flat tummy

I have prepared a few blog posts along the way for your enjoyment. It will be like you were right there the whole way through I promise.

When people find out you are pregnant, they want you to tell them how blessed you feel and how it is the most wonderful experience of your life. No one wants you to tell them what is really going on. It is almost as if we are a part of a secret motherhood society sworn to secrecy.

First rule of motherhood, no one talks about the bad parts.

Second rule of motherhood, shun all the moms that talk about the bad parts.

Third rule of motherhood, tell all the other mothers they are doing it wrong.

I think that those moms out there that say pregnancy is easy, are straight up lying. Thats right I said it. Liar Liar pants on fire. You may love all the weird things about pregnancy, but growing a human from scratch is not easy.

Let’s start at the beginning. For me pregnancy starts with puking. Everyday all day. For about ten weeks. When I say puke I don’t mean the pink nasty liquid one usually pukes up. I mean in the middle of dinner running to the kitchen sink because the bathroom is too far and puking the pasta right back up whole. Then, walking back to the table and finishing dinner. See, I told you no one wants to hear that. It’s too disgusting. But, lets not forget the exhaustion that comes in the first trimester as well. I would take two naps a day folks. Yes, I was in grad school for 8 hours a day, but hey, I teach calculus no need to be awake for a class about math I already teach right?

When people find out a lesbian is pregnant they have  many reactions. Here a few of my favorites this time around.

“You are pregnant again? I didn’t think that was possible.”

~gee, I guess since I am a lesbian I can only get pregnant once.

“Do they both have the same father.”

~Do you have the same dad as your siblings? How can you be sure, did you get a DNA test?

“Oh shit.”

~That was my step mom, nice huh.

p.s. For the next couple weeks I will only be posting and not reading blogs. Just a little busy and sleep deprived. I do hope to catch up with all of you when I am out of baby jail 🙂

Top 5 things to NOT ask a pregnant lesbian

Earlier I wrote a mind blowing post about what not to ask a lesbian about sex. Today I am going to blow your mind with more gay education.

What not to say to  a pregnant lesbian:

Why yes, that is my belly, my how long ago that seems now.

1. But you can’t get pregnant? / How did that happen? 

One, you sound ignorant. There is in fact multiple ways to get pregnant without having sex with a boy. Two, what you are really asking me is how I got sperm in my vagina. You do realize that don’t you? Have you ever asked a straight woman that? No, because it is rude as hell to ask someone how they got sperm up their vagina.

2. Won’t you kid be messed up because they don’t have a dad?

The best part this was asked to me by someone who is messed up because their parents were abusive, yes, her heterosexual mom and dad. To answer your question, no my child will be far better off, more loved, and more prepared for life than you ever were. Thanks. And yes, I have multiple research studies to back that up.

3. Who’s the dad? 

Really? Do you ask your straight friends this? Just because they are in a committed relationship doesn’t mean that is the dad. No, that would be rude wouldn’t it? My standard answer, my baby is a blessing from god. Thank you.

4. Was it an accident?

This one made me laugh and laugh. They literally forgot I couldn’t get pregnant by accident. Made my night.

5. Are you going to tell them who their dad is? 

One, none of your damn business. Two, they have two parents thank you. Did I  mention it is none of your damn business.

6. Do you think they will be gay?

One, straight people have gay kids, not gay people. Two, I can no more change the color of my child’s eyes then their sexuality. If they are gay it is not because of me, but because they were born that way. I will love them no matter what. What we really should be discussing is how you will handle it when your kid comes out.

oops that is six not five. Oh well. I could go on all night.

Top 5 things NOT to ask a lesbian about sex

WARNING SEXUAL CONTENT IN THIS BLOG TODAY-

I will admit that the older I get the less people ask me such crazy things. I think it is due to the fact that most of the people I spend time with are over 40. This generation does not have the same, hey lets talk about crazy sex with people we just met mentality.

I am not quite sure why people think that when you are gay, that means it is ok to ask them wildly inappropriate things.

But ask they do.

5. If you ever decide to stop being gay will you have sex with me? – First, the line to have sex with me is very long and you are not even in the first half. Second, I am a fully grown dyke. I am not confused. I know lesbians in movies get confused and have sex with men. Those are movies- as in made up stories. ( no santa is not real either)

4. Don’t you have to have a penis to have sex?- First, sex is different for everyone. Second, just because you need a penis to get off does not mean everyone does. Third, do you ask your straight friends what gets them off sexually?

3. So, do you find me attractive? First, if you are a girl, that does not mean I find you attractive. Most likely not. I have high standards. Thanks. Second, if you are a boy, sure I can appreciate a good looking man. But don’t get that mistaken for lust.

2. So, how do you have sex? How many straight people have you asked how they like to have sex ? Because they can have sex in just as many ways as I can. I am not your lesbian guide into the world of girl on girl action. Go rent season 3 of the original L Word.

1. So when you look in the mirror naked, are you attracted to yourself? Seriously. Did you just ask me that? No, I am a girl, I look in the mirror and see all of my flaws. It is fucked up for you to imply I would want to have sex with myself. Please walk away before I slap you.

Today I let anger win and that makes me sad.

Today was a dark day. I actually got into a heated confrontation with someone. Something that is becoming more of a rare occurrence for me.

It all started with me saying I felt unsafe when I drove through states like Texas. Which brought the you are being paranoid comment. And I lost it.

Am I being paranoid when, I have been pulled over and harassed by cops in Texas to the point of tears?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had doctors refuse to be my doctor?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had strangers come up to me and tell me I am going to hell?

Am I being paranoid when, I have people come up to me while I was pregnant and tell me my child would be be messed up because I was their parent?

Am I being paranoid when, I cannot send my child to half of the schools in the city I live in, simply because I am her mother?

Am I being paranoid when, I have been offered jobs and then they take it back?

Am I being paranoid when, I have had co workers who have never met me try to get me fired?

Am I being paranoid when, I turn on the news and people are calling for my death?

Am I being paranoid when, presidential candidates are saying children with father’s in prison are better off then in my home?

Am I being paranoid when, I am getting refused service in a restaurant and asked to leave?

Am I being paranoid when, many state’s GOP platform includes that my family is tearing at the fabric of society?

yes, a lot of people love the gays. But, do not for one second think that being a gay family in the south all rainbows.