creepy motherfuckers

I don’t want to sound paranoid, but the internet is creepy. As in landlord putting cameras in your shower creepy.It is impossible to use the internet and keep information from people who want to find you. Seriously impossible. Thankfully my blog has no identifiable features that tie it to me in real life because I would be mad if I had to delete my blog and start over. I mean I have 2600 followers who  would be devastated.

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I am going to have to slowly delete myself from all things social online. Which totally sucks monkey balls. The extra hairy ones. What I want to know is why the hell is it ok for someone to be able to have a full criminal background check on you for the low low price of 19.95! The people that run these businesses are assholes. Yeah, you heard me. Assholes.

No one should be able to get on a computer and look up how much I owe on my house, car, etc. A satellite shot of my house. And a listing of all my social networks. That is total crap. I don’t usually buy into conspiracy theories, but come on people. What is really going on here?

Maybe serial killers invented the internet because they knew one day everyone would write all about their life everyday and give them easy access to the perfect victims. Name one click. Photos two clicks. Work schedule three clicks and five bucks. Done you are murdered. In the good old days serial killers had to spend years stalking their victims leaving evidence all along the way.

Or maybe ex girlfriends anonymous invented the internet? Want to make sure you ex is more miserable than you, well join our site for a low cost of 3.95 a month and we will send you updated photos every hour of their misery.

I often wonder if someone were to look over my giant internet footprint what they would think of me? Who would they think I am based on my tweets, instagrams, and facebook likes?

 

13 thoughts on “creepy motherfuckers

  1. I don’t know if I was more creeped out by the picture or by the idea of someone running a background check on me without my permission…. no, it was definitely the picture.

  2. I had this horrifying realization a line was crossed when I passed a Seattle’s Best coffee on foot the other day (which I don’t like on any social network) and a thing popped up on my FB with a Seattle’s Best coupon. It was my gps! It. Knew. Where. I Was. And it was offering me coupons. How creepy!

  3. Based on the clues, I’d have to guess you’re Spongebob Squarepants. Busted!

    It really is annoying that every Facebook post and tweet needs to be surgically planned to ensure it doesn’t tie you back to your true feelings posted elsewhere.

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