Making A Gaybie- The First Trimester

Well bloggers I have been keeping a fairly large secret from you. The past nine months I have been pregnant. Perhaps you had a few inklings when my blog started to smell like puke, or maybe it was the hormonal rants that tipped you off, but I have been indeed incubating a little girl.

Ok so this isn’t the 1st trimester- it’s 36 weeks, but who wants to see a flat tummy

I have prepared a few blog posts along the way for your enjoyment. It will be like you were right there the whole way through I promise.

When people find out you are pregnant, they want you to tell them how blessed you feel and how it is the most wonderful experience of your life. No one wants you to tell them what is really going on. It is almost as if we are a part of a secret motherhood society sworn to secrecy.

First rule of motherhood, no one talks about the bad parts.

Second rule of motherhood, shun all the moms that talk about the bad parts.

Third rule of motherhood, tell all the other mothers they are doing it wrong.

I think that those moms out there that say pregnancy is easy, are straight up lying. Thats right I said it. Liar Liar pants on fire. You may love all the weird things about pregnancy, but growing a human from scratch is not easy.

Let’s start at the beginning. For me pregnancy starts with puking. Everyday all day. For about ten weeks. When I say puke I don’t mean the pink nasty liquid one usually pukes up. I mean in the middle of dinner running to the kitchen sink because the bathroom is too far and puking the pasta right back up whole. Then, walking back to the table and finishing dinner. See, I told you no one wants to hear that. It’s too disgusting. But, lets not forget the exhaustion that comes in the first trimester as well. I would take two naps a day folks. Yes, I was in grad school for 8 hours a day, but hey, I teach calculus no need to be awake for a class about math I already teach right?

When people find out a lesbian is pregnant they have  many reactions. Here a few of my favorites this time around.

“You are pregnant again? I didn’t think that was possible.”

~gee, I guess since I am a lesbian I can only get pregnant once.

“Do they both have the same father.”

~Do you have the same dad as your siblings? How can you be sure, did you get a DNA test?

“Oh shit.”

~That was my step mom, nice huh.

p.s. For the next couple weeks I will only be posting and not reading blogs. Just a little busy and sleep deprived. I do hope to catch up with all of you when I am out of baby jail 🙂