Each month my school sends home a health letter. I have found it extremely helpful in maintaining my super fit physique. Now I must warn you this newsletter is only the most important health news in the nation.
Here are the sensational headlines from this month’s letter
1. Being a good friend- This is a list of ten ways to be a good friend such as “give your friends space” and “Talk about others positively”
2. How do you say I love you- simple ways to say I love you everyday such as” send an email” and “leave a note in their lunch box”
3. Heart Healthy Recipe tricks- These are some great tips such as” microwave and drain fat”
4. Hot dance steps for romance or fun- Everyone knows tap dancing is the way to romance with young men these days.
5. Putting your best foot forward- By which I mean how to find the best athletic shoes.
6. Germs don’t like people who wash their hands- You know what germs I don’t like you either.
7. Inner Hunger- A paragraph about eating disorders. Which are so simple they can obviously be explained in a few sentences.
8. Tax Preparation- Only prepare your taxes yourself if you think paying taxes is fun. How did they know I loved paying taxes. I have Tax day circled on my calender with a big heart.
9. Low Vision awareness month- What are the signs of low vision? Not being able to read signs, not being able to recognize faces, and not being able to match your clothes. Ha Ha maybe I need some new glasses.
10. Dental Disease in dogs and cats- Summary, clean your pets teeth.
Did this newsletter really come from your school?
Yes sir it did. But so did the flyer about going to sex addict therapy.
Seriously, the shim sham and Fred Astaire always turns me on, too.
Ballroom dancing needs to make a serious come back.
I don’t leave a note in my wife’s lunchbox but I have left her notes from the lunch begging not to be eaten.
I bet her lunch thinks you are writing those notes because you are in fact in love with them. You best be careful a lunch scorned is not something to take lightly.
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